Journalling #8 (dw we don't get too deep here)

Love is weird right?

I love tv shows. I hate rom-coms because they're too predicable, most movies are fairly predictable tbh. The name and the description gives too much away. They're still good, I still watch a lot of movies.

Tv shows are less predictable, there's too many episodes, more characters. I like how complex they can get, how they can only be understood if you watch it from the beginning.

I love learning the different characters, how they interact with each other. Love watching budding romances, inevitable crashouts, I even sit through the cringy eras.

I'm always jealous of the love people share? Jealous is maybe not the right word, envious fits better. I know they're just tv shows and it's all fake but God. I want that.

I thought I had that with my ex, but it just wasn't right. Wasn't working. I was putting everything into it, everything and I get that i'm a guy but that doesn't mean that I don't have feelings, don't have wants or needs.

People seem to forget that guys are people too? Like, just because i'm not open about things, i'm private. It takes a while for me to open up or say what's been bothering me for months.

I want to date someone who want's everything though. I want real dates, i want to lie at home and watch movies. I want to be able to see them whenever, drop by unannounced. I want to meet their family, even if it goes awfully. I want them to meet mine, even though I know it'll be bad.

I want to move out together, maybe get a pet. I wanna live my life with someone else without any contingencies. I've dated so many people and i've only ever been introduced to parents if my partner is trying to make a point.

I'm very openly trans and Bi. I have a bunch of piercings and colourful hair, i'm a great person to use if you wanna p-ss off your homophobic parents. Which is, okay if I'm aware of what's happening. I don't mind, I find it fun but i'm 20 next year.

Yeah i'm young, but I don't want to spend the rest of my life trying to find the one. So if i'm not in a committed relationship by the time i'm 25, i'm gonna stop looking for it. If it happens, it happens. For now i'm gonna continue to go on dates, talk to new people and try find my person.

I love tv shows with found family, found parents because I can imagine having that one day.

Having a family that means more than just blood and obligation. I do kind of. I have a close friend, who I consider a brother but he talks to me less and less.

It hurts but a lot of things do so you kinda just get used to it after a while. I know I shouldn't be used to it, but what can you do?

Anyways, i'm running out of things to say so imo go back to doomscrolling.

Peace out ✌️

Have a good day/night :)