Journalling

Okay so i'm trying to commit to the whole journal part of this chat because well yeah.

I like getting my feelings and thoughts into coherent sentences, makes them easier to understand but I always forget to do it.

So here I am. I'm gonna try to do it as consistent as possible.

I'm doing okay with being consistent atm though. I'm drinking more water, drinking less energy drinks (i'm on one a day). I'm still struggling to sleep and eat properly but i'm trying (that's a lie but oh well).

I'm also dating a little, getting myself out there because I deserve that. I think I do? I think my last relationship was complicated and somewhere along the way I kinda just stopped thinking about what I needed and focused on what she needed.

Which is dumb and irresponsible because i'm a human being with feelings and stuff. I need to learn to be a little more selfish when it comes to myself because (as much as I love to deny it) I'm a decent person. The kinda person who'll always give money to charity, loves to buy people stuff, will always give a stranger money even if I'm aware that it's a scam, won't take tips from drunk people.

Sure, I have bad qualities and i'm not all there and I struggle with caring about myself and not hating myself but i'm trying to be better which I think gets me points right? Maybe not but oh well.

So yes i'm dating again, playing it a little bit more selfish thing time round and i'm not gonna rush into anything. I'm going to be on my best behaviour.

Work is... complicated? Very complicated. I love my job, weird ik. But I genuinely do love my job most days, i'm super passionate about it. I'm a really good worker, like super good. I'm enthusiastic, I love learning everything, I apply myself, stubborn and reallly freaking honest so if I see that there's a way something can be done better I do it.

I've worked at this current job for 3.5 years now and i'm still there. I'm currently working 6 days a week, 5-7 hours a night (not bad tbh) and I love it. But I also hate it because I and every single person in this town knows that they're taking advantage of me.

I earn £10 an hour, my official job title is customer service and milkshakes (which on busy days is a two person job, it's just me). My unofficial title is manager, or as my boss likes to say 'experienced worker'.

I am currently doing sunday-tuesday on pizza section (not my section, and I have never actually been trained on it) while also helping the other food section (not my section, and I have never actually been trained on it). I sort out wages, train staff, help organise staff too. I talk to staff (so when they're messing up, coming late too much etc.) I have fired staff before too.

I also get a say on new menu items, changes to the menu, changes to the store (boxes, new additions etc), staff. It's a lot. I do a lot for someone who is on minimum fckin wage. I mean, I worked at Morrisons Daily for about 6 months at the start of this year.

They started me on £10 an hour when I was a cashier which btw, not a cashier bc we only had two ppl per shift so you'd end up doing the job of like 3 ppl but not the point. Then I got bumped up to £12.50 or smth when I was a supervisor. Which still crazy low for the amount of work I had to do but oh well.

I started on £6 an hour at my current job (I was 16) and now i'm on £10 an hour (19 now) after me and my boss argued about it after minimum wage went up. He said I didn't do enough work.

You can only imagine how that went. I'm honestly still mad about it and this was freaking monnnths ago.

So yes, I love my job but I also hate it because i'm 1000000% getting f-ed over. However, i live in a tinyy town and don't drive (can't afford to) and there are no other jobs that don't require college or uni (ima college drop-out) so i'm screwed either way really.

Anyways, sorry for the slight rant!!

Have a good day/night people :)