Just a open space
Well so, this is just a space for idk what lol.. I just wanna write some things and it's better to do it here where no is actually told to listen.. so, if anyone wanna read and reply.. you can do that, I don't mind it. I don't know for how long I will even continue this but whatever and for introduction.. I am 20 years old, from India, I got no social life so you are just going to hear a rant about loneliness.
So, when you make a choice like it's just you chose the option you thought was best. Yeah, it had 70% of working out and 30% of not working out. And somehow you ended up in 30% but it's done. You chose the best option possible, you actually will never know what the outcome would have been if you have chosen the other thing because that's how it goes.
At this point, I am just overthinking about nothing
Maybe it is time to start researching
Yeah, it's time. Let's start researching
I am so tired of people actually. Like idk what's even the reason that they text me every other day or so especially when I haven't initiated the conversation or texted first for a while now.. like, obviously I don't like talking to you that's the whole reason I have never initiated.. but this is just another mess
So, now I do have time to journal. Well, so actually I woke up and there was a little headache only and my mind was fresh after so long. It has been so long since I had a good sleep, a year perhaps. So, yeah I am seeing progress by facing my fear but it's so tiring. Why do feeling relaxed like my mind is clear is such a strange feeling now, why am I not able to completely accept it. I also realised that I just am not able to fit with relatives of mine. Like they made a joke and I had to fake laugh. I just don't fit in, it's just so weird. Where will I fit in. And yeah, every passing minute I just feel like isolating myself from everyone. I just don't know what to say or speak so I just find ways to not talk anymore. Ahh, kya scene h ye
So, loneliness or that empty feeling is here again and I don't have energy to fight it.
Ah the loneliness is getting me
Ouch, hadd hai.. I was waiting for loneliness to come back and I was so courageous then fir today I thought okay maybe it's not happening and yeah it's back again.. I am just getting crushed over it.. I am not able to face it, it's just making me very anxious.. where do all my courage go..I just wanna talk to someone but I definitely am not in a right state of mind to talk to, what will I do.. should I just let it be
I just want to give up so badly.. I am so tired, why do I not have a good reason to live or do good in life.. it's just I really don't care about it anymore, not at all.. I want to care about it but I just don't.
