Just a open space
Well so, this is just a space for idk what lol.. I just wanna write some things and it's better to do it here where no is actually told to listen.. so, if anyone wanna read and reply.. you can do that, I don't mind it. I don't know for how long I will even continue this but whatever and for introduction.. I am 20 years old, from India, I got no social life so you are just going to hear a rant about loneliness.
how many days will you let just slip by while you do nothing, nothing at all. No productivity, no happiness, no point. What's the meaning of living like this huh? Wouldn't you be better ded instead of living like this? You had enough time to heal and grow but you really don't want to do anything. You are just comfortable in your sadness because you believe there is no point of life anymore. Your spark is ceasing to exist this way. Don't think you have all the time in the world.
Now come to think of it, I was so obsessed with perfection isn't it? I wanted to be a perfect human being, I was never really interested in having someone..I was not lonely at all even when I had not have a talk with anyone for months. I was so daring as well. I was just lost within myself, I had my own world. But then this thought came of having someone, it became into a desire which has made such a void within me.
"It's only when you have lost everything, you are free to do anything"
Am I getting left behind? I am just stuck
Okay, I just need you to do one last task for me. You already did decide to not continue after 2028 so, okay I will let that happen but in these two years take all the risks you want. Do all the things you wanted to do. Be the best version possible. And then you can quit.
It's okay, you don't have to try talking to anyone. But this time, just do it for three days and you don't have to do it again okay? Just for three days.i know you don't like how it feels later but for once just let it be okay..
Why do I feel this void of loneliness I guess right after waking up. It's so intense
I feel like I can write a book with my rant if I give myself enough questions. But it's just hard to do that knowing I never feel better
It's not the same, there's no excitement for the day or even anything else. I am just a lost star in the endless cosmic bliss, who's just wandering till his extinction. Even though, I can talk to and see people but they all seem very far away. I wish I just find something, anything to devote all of my time, energy and get better along with it
I just constantly feel this void that has been created. It never goes, not even in my sleep. I can feel it even then too. I just want to run away from everything, i don't like anything happening
To be honest, I am so ready to face whatever is been bothering me for this long but it's just my mind who doesn't let me. I am ready to move ahead with everything but my mind isn't co operating. It isn't able to see that I survived all of that, it's just focusing on how all of that make me feel. I don't want to live and feel like this.