Just a open space

@aTinyDroplet okay I like the isolation as a part now I will also have time to practice guitar. I wanna play a few songs on it, so will try to practice that.

And sorry to the people whom I have been unavailable to now. Not like any of you cares but I still wanted to say it 

For today's journal I will only say -

Mera naam bhi shinchan hai, mai sharat se bhara.. badi mushkil mein padi, meri family nohara.. cmon baby, cmon baby.. aao karein dance shuru.. zor se ghoomein, ham tum jhoomein.. naacho, naacho.. aur sbko ghuma do...kabhi mai uchalta hu, kabhi mai machalta hu...har dam bekaaboo.. Zor mai krta hu, nayi nayi harkat.. sabko hasa dega shinchan🤩🤩

The moment you stop, it's there back again. Why does it feels like a predator, always just waiting to strike and it does strike.

Ah, do I have to just keep escaping it to feel okay.. I was actually feel a little happy just now but it just comes back again in a second.. why does my life consists of 80% sadness and 15% being okay and 5% being happy

@aTinyDroplet okay yeah, I mean yeah I feel lonely but it's okayy.. uhm so this is what I wrote in lines..

Uhm, at that time I wanted to do things cause I wanted her to be happy

Obviously working on myself would do that too

And I was doing that in a way

But it was for her

She made me wanna do better, not for myself but for her

But now whenever I do something that improves me

It's only for me

And I am not doing more than I used to

But I will get there

I will be better than the person whom I would have been if I would have stayed with her

In the longer term

I really don't know

I don't want to d!e a loser

Anymore

I can't say rn that her leaving was her loss because I lost a greater part of myself

But when I regain it and actually be better then I can say that

And then I will smile and be happy

Even for a moment

But it will be there

The happiness

That means alot

Okayy I just wanted to post it here...and uhm well to be honest it's not just my loss.. I am not talking about relationship, like all the people that have come and go.. it's their loss too obviously it does not matter as much as them as it does to me because they already have people.. and why do I not have people, because bruh you didn't meet anyone new irl for fkin 6-7 years obviously you don't have people.. it's not rocket science, and you won't just meet them in just a park.. you are not good at conversations in starting obviously not online, I can be good at that.. irl, you are socially anxious in a way...you are not scared to speak, it's just you don't even bother to speak to people because you don't just care or want that... Idk how to put it but you can be a great friend, such a better person than the rest and you already are...no doubt about that.. I am not even sugarcoating or anything, it's just true.. and yeah soon you will find people too obviously you won't have opportunities like the other did and that leaves you behind when it comes to opportunities but bruh you are so better.. literally...omg do I sound like a narcissist or just someone with confidence.. either way it doesn't matter as I like it.. so for now just keep your head down and just get even more better because I like that too.. oh wow did I just talk to myself on journals😭 okay whatever.. yayayay, I am so interesting too wow that I can just talk to myself and love that conversation 🤩 ah okay bye, I am a busy person.. I don't have time to talk to you all day...bruh why did I get the notification about i might be in crisis😭

Okay so the plan is to not stop. Yeah, I am going to escape till I can and when I fall.. i'll just get back up again because do I have any other option? Obviously not.

Why do I just feel so bad

It's morning and I woke up now. I slept less today I think, I slept for 6 hours that's fine though.. yeah but I don't feel good, I feel kinda sad for no reason I guess.. there's something on my mind which is making me feel this way, I don't know what