Just a open space
Well so, this is just a space for idk what lol.. I just wanna write some things and it's better to do it here where no is actually told to listen.. so, if anyone wanna read and reply.. you can do that, I don't mind it. I don't know for how long I will even continue this but whatever and for introduction.. I am 20 years old, from India, I got no social life so you are just going to hear a rant about loneliness.
Ah, I become a mess when I don't feel good. I loses my senses as well. I even loses my self respect just to feel better at that time
Why is it that just a little thing makes me feel so good but then a little thing makes me feel so bad as well. Why my emotions aren't stable anymore
It just never goes away, I feel so bad again. I don't like it here on this site. Infact I don't like anywhere
I feel so bad it's even worse than before...idk how to deal with this, I feel so anxious.. I feel like a bad person...I don't want to do that but I feel so bad, please someone stop me
Okay I feel so better actually cause of the conversation I had. It was so helpful.. okayyy, yayayayayy... Uhmm well I guess it was just people.. idk what's going on actually, but I feel calm.. and I am so grateful I texted them.. I hope this state of mind stays.. oh and usually in the past months the people I met were good interesting but I never felt kinda clicked... Even if we don't end up talking often it's still fine, this was so enough for me.. well okay nonetheless this person is so interesting, even little things make me very curious actually.. oh and the experience this person have somehow relatable and knowing that this person is able to do better out of that... Just living life with no plans gave me a hope actually but obviously I am going to get back in the loneliness loop.. but whatever let's see
I wasn't feeling good in the morning but I think now I feel okay. I will care about myself more
So actually there's something strange going on. I feel like being a better person and doing better actually since and cause of the conversation I had. I do not know why though. I like it but I don't know how to make sense out of it
Okay whatever it is, I need to stop feeling like this otherwise I will end up just like back but it's not something that worries me so should I just let it be?
Okayy, i actually feel good.. why is this connection or whatever it is so strange.. why the *** was I nervous when I sent her the text but luckily I got the reply and yayayay I feel good.. so, I feel so better actually cause of this idk why.. but I am denying it now and I still feel good.. i am not able to deny it completely.. uhm, let's see how today goes.. it actually makes me better and to be honest I was able to move on cause of this.. I did move on already but I guess something was lacking, I don't know what but I wasn't able to let go of that completely but cause of this connection I am able to do it somehow so that is very good.. and okayy that's it for now.. will write another entry before sleeping
Okay but I will let go of it, if not today then just in a day or two and then it's upto everything else.
