Just a open space
Well so, this is just a space for idk what lol.. I just wanna write some things and it's better to do it here where no is actually told to listen.. so, if anyone wanna read and reply.. you can do that, I don't mind it. I don't know for how long I will even continue this but whatever and for introduction.. I am 20 years old, from India, I got no social life so you are just going to hear a rant about loneliness.
Okay, I just feel calm now. I don't feel that intense feeling of becoming better and all. It's okay but it's there now. All I want to do is get better now because what I realised yesterday is that I need to heal before making any friendships. I shouldn't go through what I did go yesterday.
Somehow at the end isolation seems to be the only answer but somehow not a solution
Okay now I let it be.
Now I let it go
Oh wow I already said that and didn't remember 😭
Oops, why do I let it happen again and again.. I am so tired, why is it so exhausting sometimes
I believe it's finally time to figure out things and start working on them. So, let's see. Let's just put my loneliness aside, it's not something I can work on. I will just have to work with it. Uhm then there is career, I guess let's just work on this for now. So what I need to figure out is that should I buy an espresso machine or not? I am not too sure about cafe but if I purchase it once then the money is spent. There's no turning back then, I have to consider it. Then there's about how to earn now. Yeah, well I can trade but that has it's own risks. Then maybe I should start working on that referral. I won't be earning much from that but ah I don't want to risk my main account. Maybe I should wait till my other account becomes an agent. Ah man and legs start reading and learning guitar back. But I am so damn tired today, let's still try to get as much as done as possible. Don't aim for a hourly session for guitar, just do it for 20-30 minutes
Uhm, okay so I feel better..I feel happy too obviously it's not constant but it's okayy.. I am satisfied with this for now. Well, so my day wasn't much productive actually. It was just okayish. I did alot of thinking which was actually helpful. Then well I actually liked the night alot because I got to have a conversation. A long one which ended on a good note for me unlike yesterday. Which even gave me even more motivation to do some things. Like I am going take a selfie or a picture of myself everyday now. Not like I am insecure but I guess it will have some benefits. Then there's voice notes basically kr talking on call which I need to work on for sure. Not like I am anxious or anything, I am just not used to that..not at all. Uhm yeah that's it. I am going to be better and do better. I will try to read tomorrow. Yup that's all for today.
It's morning and yeah I woke up with a headache again. I don't think my sleep was completed but my dreams woke me up. There were so many and why the f is my mind playing conversations in my head with her that haven't even existed. I don't remember the conversations anymore though. But whatever, but it made my head ache. It's the same or similar feeling i got so many years ago but maybe this feels more intense. I don't know what is this. Well, whatever it is.. what's for sure is that I will use this feeling to the full extent now and be better how much I can..I am not going to let it slip by
Okay, so the plan is to let it be for now but take control whenever given the opportunity
