Just a open space

I thought journalling might help but I am having second thoughts on that. I don't think it's helping at the same time I don't have much reason to stay on cups too because I don't interact with listeners as there's no point.

For now, I don't feel happy, sad or anything. It's just a calm feeling that's going on and it's okay.

Okay anyways, I gotta deal with some things. So, there's videography and editing I need to learn editing too. And why do I feel something so intense about this person, not that type of feelings. Just something I don't have a name for. I gotta get moving fast, I will complete all the tasks needed. 

I do feel kinda lost time to time but I am trying to figure out things. Let's see how it goes 🙃

The thing is I just need someone to be there, but the trust also must be there. It's not like I need them to get back up again, it's more like knowing that there is someone would just help me to know that I do not need to worry to fall or maybe simply I just won't feel lonely so I can face other things 

Okay so what's for sure is I need to heal before socializing. I feel like I lost all the progress again. But yeah that's not true. It's more i climbed 10 steps but I am 9 steps back. So, not all. I am so tired of things, somehow isolation is the end option. I am not even choosing it this time. It's just that's how it is for me. It's okay, now I remember all I have to is survive for one and a half year more. It's okay, well anyways I don't plan to journal again. Thank you for being a part.

Okay, so seems like I have a support. Let's face the past now, I will go all in.