Kids

I’d be a really good dad, like crazy good.

Obviously not perfect, no parent is but I’d be hella good.

Kids love me, and not in a weird way. I’ve just spent a bit of time around kids.

Two younger siblings, one that doesn’t live at home anymore, the other still asks me to hang out with him (he’s 16 this year)

When I was younger, I’d look after a kid 4 years younger than me. In my teens, I’d look after a 5 and 6 year old and they loved me. Another who’s now 8 and who also loves me. All my mums boyfriend’s kids, always up to me to babysit while they do their own thing.

I resent my mother for that obviously, a child shouldn’t be looking after other children. Yet I miss them a lot, wish I still have the luxury of looking after them.

In public, kid’s stare. I look different, I look fun so they stare. I just smile, maybe pull a funny face to make them laugh. It’s easy.

I know all of these experiences are different from having your own kids. But I know I’d be good? It’s a feeling in my bones yk?

I know all of the parenting methods, I’ve lectured my own mother enough times. I spend time with my little brother, balancing the act of being a parent while being a friend.

I parented myself growing up because my mother sucked. Tried parenting my older sister too, still do but she’s stubborn. Always thought she was better than me because she’s older.

I won’t ever be able to have kids myself, not with my blood (I’m trans). And I know there are ways around that but I also have come to not want to. My genetics are a mess and having my child struggle over something they can’t control would break me.

I’ve got many problems from genetics, many future problems that may arise that cause me much anxiety. I’d never want to force my child to go through that too.

Perhaps my future partner will have their own kid though. One that I would treat as my own, one that I would love wholeheartedly.

I can never adopt or foster I don’t think, I need to do some more research on it but due to my hospital stint a couple years ago, I don’t think I can. I’d love to foster though, give kids a safe place to stay.

I plan to foster animals when I get my own place, most likely dogs because I know the most about them but I tend to get stuck in research spirals so we’ll see. We have fosters a couple times at home but my mum always gets too attached.

I’d take photos, cherish them because every animal deserves to be cherished. Yet I would happily give them to their forever home because they deserve to be loved, to be safe.

I just don’t know what to do with the love yk? Like, I will deny this if anyone asks but yeah, I love easily and I love a lot. Even when I don’t want to, I still do.

Even old friends, people I used to know, I love them. Maybe not as obvious as before, maybe not in the forefront of my mind but if they ever seek me out again, I’d always respond.

I’m simple like that, I love easily, fully. It’s always too much but I’ve not found a way to feel it any less. I don’t need to.

I love my family but in a way that’s just easy, natural. So I have this just ocean of love and no where to put it?? Like a constant thrum of energy. It quietens when I have friends, or a partner.

Anyways sorry, I’m tired Lmaoo.

But yeah, I’d be a fantastic dad but I’ll settle for fun uncle.