Love

I will never admit this in person but i'm a hopeless romantic.

I don't do hookups or mess around. If i'm interested in someone i'll ask them out, if the first few dates goes well I throw my all into it.

Don't get me wrong, I do go on the random date every now and then despite feeling emotionally conflicted. I always like to see if theres a spark.

I've dated a fair few people, always been a great boyfriend. Though I feel my tendency to put others first really *** me over sometimes. (Pardon my french)

I love, love stories. I want a love story, no matter how unrealistic and childish it may seem.

I want to imagine that we'd be together in every life time. That through all the ups and downs, the love can still be felt. I want to imagine that they love me as much as I love them. I want the love to not hurt, me or my partner.

I don't care if it's complex, don't care if it has more downs than ups. I just want a love thats so just real, so pure and honest. I want a love that reminds people of what love actually is.

I think I found it. I also ruined it though so I think i'm doomed. Soft smiles, declarations of love, oh god. You should've seen how we looked at each other, sickly but oh so pure.

She'd look at me like I was everything. It never mattered if it was subtle glances, talking, watching me. She always looked at me with this soft smile and a look of adoration in her eyes. I was never any better.

She caught a photo of me once, I wasn't even embarrassed. I look completely enamoured, absolutely gone for her. Ridiculous as i've always claimed to never being able to feel love but with her? It was so clear on my face it was startling.

Such a simple love and yet I ruined it. True me fashion. It was all complicated, I wont get into the details but essentially the relationship was affecting her wellbeing. Though she loved me, so she stayed. Me being a person who always thinks they know best, always *** makes the choices that I think are best, I left.

I'm learning to stop doing that, and yes, I have apologised. Profusely. She's with someone else now (we broke up around this time last year), and she's happy. So i'm glad, really glad. (We still talk everyday)

Yet I can't help wonder, what if I accepted her choice? What if I didn't 'make the right choice' for once and just accepted it. Just allowed us to be in love despite everything?

I'm still in love with her, despite my attempts to move on. I don't think i'll ever stop loving her and isn't that just a tiny bit terrifying?