Rambles Of An Entity
I don’t know really know why I’m doing this but I just feel like should. Put something out there to make sense of everything in me
The worst thing I ever did was like a guy
What was even worse
I told him I liked him
At that point, he thought he could do whatever he wanted
And I let him
And what sucks
Is that I stayed
Not only that
I begged him to stay
I thought no one could ever love me like that
I don’t know when I started associating love with bruises
When my self worth depended on how happy I could make him
I began to feel less human
I became a thing
I was so worthless
cause he was done with me
Even now, I want nothing more than to be with him
And he pushes me away
Time and time again
I tell myself if only I loved him harder
That I could change him
@KadythePhoenix
that sounds like such a heavy and painful experience, and I'm really sorry you're going through this 💔. It’s so easy to get caught up in the idea that love means sacrificing yourself, but it doesn’t have to be that way. You deserve so much better than what you've been through.
It’s tough when someone you care about treats you like that, making you feel like your worth depends on how happy you can make them. But let me tell you, your worth is *not* defined by how someone else sees you or treats you. You’re so much more than that.
I know it’s hard to let go, especially when you’ve invested so much of yourself into someone. But you deserve love that lifts you up, not one that leaves you feeling bruised and broken. It’s okay to want to be loved, but it’s also okay to want that love to be safe, kind, and respectful.
It’s not your job to change him or make him better. Your only job is to take care of yourself and to know that you are worth so much more than what he could ever offer. You deserve to feel like the amazing person you are, not like a thing or someone who has to beg for love.
It’s okay to feel what you’re feeling, but please remember to be kind to yourself. You deserve to be loved in a way that makes you feel whole, not in a way that breaks you down. You’ve got so much strength in you, and I know you’ll find a way to heal and move forward when you're ready 💖.
I love you so much for this!
I grew up in a very toxic environment. I’m still trying to deal with all my trauma. Love should be kind and safe but I’ve never experienced anything like that except with my family
i only know the pain that’s associated with it
I don’t know why I have this need to fix everything. it eats at me. I hate losing control
Thank you so much and I hope you have an amazing and blessed life!♥️
I’ve come to the realization that everything I’ve gone through.
I’ve put myself in that situation
There’s no one to blame but me
”It’s me whose been making the bed. Pull the sheets over head”
I’m in a good space right now
Challenging my thoughts
However, I do think about you
I know that’s not enough
But it’s all I can give at the moment
You know how I realised we were meant to be
When we were both complaining about guests
Just hearing the distaste in your voice
That sexy voice of yours
Made me understand I was a finished woman
And I'd put myself in this position over and over again
Please Lord, let me have this
I know I'm a sinner
Perhaps not even deserving of good things
And I still have a long way to go
But me having this could change things
Make me want to live again
@KadythePhoenix
You spend most of life adhering to the rules
Thinking you're better than others
Till you wake up one day and realize you're no longer special
That you're just like everybody else
With your own set of problems
There's no cheat code to life
You've been lied to
So you do your best to survive
I was writing this poem that was inspired by this guy I like
And I thought to myself it had to be perfect
So I tried to make it better but what was before me was that of a stranger’s
I no longer recognized it
In that moment I realized there was no perfection
It just had to be mine
It’s 2026, we’ve come a long way
We used to sad all the time
Thinking no one could love us
Yet we’re surrounded by people who are our answered duas on this earth
Sometimes it might feel like we have nothing but I’ve come to the realization that whatever Allah takes
He replaces it ten fold
So right now I am extremely grateful to be alive
To have the opportunities that I do have
Alhamdulillah!♥️