Rambling again yayyy

I’m not super talented.

I don’t have a niche, or something I’m weirdly good at.

I’m not an artist, yet I can get by. I used to have artist friends so I picked up some things but I’m not good. It’s not my thing.

I’m not a writer, yet it’s something that helps me get all of the thoughts out of my head. It’s a tool, not a talent.

I’m not a sports person, I’m not a massive talker, or a photographer or the millions of other things that exist.

That sucks. More than what makes sense.

If you have something, thats your thing. You can base your entire life around it and you can follow the passion.

I’m a decent artist, decent writer, decent at sports and anyways. I’m decent, passable.

I’m smart but not genius levels smart. I can run a takeaway but I’d never be able to own one.

I can have ideas, I just can’t pursue them becuase it’s not a passion. It’s a mere fixation that claims me for a while.

It sucks, not having a built in direction to follow.

People tell me to follow my dreams, but I don’t have any.

People ask me why I work at a takeaway and I tell them I enjoy it. I do, but maybe I’m just trying to cling to the one thing I’m more than decent at.

I’m decent at relationships. Great even till it gets too serious, till they expect more. Not more as in material or physical. More as in childhood stories, deepest traumas, the bad days.

I can’t do all that. I can buy you flowers, I can make your day but I can’t be all that.

I can do it all, but you won’t be wowed or impressed. You won’t want more, becuase theres nothing more.

I think that’s sad? Living a life just being average at everything. And sure, people might think that oh cool. Yk? Like woah you can do anything?

Obviously everything is an exaggeration.

But no because I’m not good at anything and for someone with a decade of depression under their belt and much more to come that’s like walking without a destination.

There’s no purpose, no motivation. Not unless you look hard for one. Not unless you use any random thing for it, a flimsy escape from reality.

Cuz nah, I don’t have hopes and dreams. Nah I have nothing I really enjoy, nope I’m not great at anything. But hey I have my job.

My job. Which I still, after four years, have no clue if I enjoy it or if I’m just used to it.