Ranting cuz I have no one to talk to!

I’ve watched a lot of Tv shows and movies for someone who only really started watching them at 13, technically 16 because 14-15 was my anime phase.

I call it a phase because I no longer watch them, but I’m still down to every now and then.

But nah, love it.

A lot of people complain about how they’re not realistic. I love my day-to-day watch while doing smth else shows. Such as 9-1-1, which is my current hyperfixation.

Cuz yeah, it’s hella dramatic but it’s so real dude.

Life is constantly just filled with problems right? Maybe that’s just my experience but yeah, I’m not surviving through a bee tornado or watching my situationship get sh0t but like my body is consistently giving up on me, my older sister isn’t coming for Christmas and I’m working wayyyy to much.

So yeah, tv shows/movies, while they are on the extreme side they aren’t too far off from life.

Then you got the person struggles. The ones that you relate to so much, that make you overthink you self and life and existence and make you spiral.

I spiral constantly because my brain is a dark place, it just makes situations 10x worse, no. It makes me feel like situations are 10x worse because it usually stays in my head because I’m not that kinda guy.

Like the whole chronic pain thing, it’s rare that I say anything about it cuz f-ck that, why you gotta know? Plus it’s SO hard to explain cuz no I haven’t been to a doctor bout it in 2 years cuz I have MAJOR anxiety. Life would be so much easier without anxiety I swear.

Put me in work and I am flawless, my customer service skills are some of the best you’ll ever see. I’m FIRE. Put me outside of work, mf. I will stutter, fumble my words, mutter and just want to SPRINT in the opposite direction. I do not do all that. It’s why I have no friend and why I’m single because the social interaction doesn’t hit. I strugggggleeee.

Also the whole chronic pain thing makes me even more of an old man. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve been working on the way I type, tryna get hip and with the sh-t yk? But I’m not made for it. Also, freaking phones, websites, technology in general and I’m spending 20 minutes on smth that takes 2. Crazy work.

ALSO, awful memory. Like, I can remember what you order but not ur name or the last time you came in😓 i don’t even remember what I ate yesterday. Crazy work.

I’m kinda terrified imo d1e alone. Isn’t everyone? Like yeah, I’m kinda into the solitude life, or I’ve just been alone so long that I’ve convinced myself that I’m into it.

I have my dog, BoBo, who forces me out the house for walks. My job, that kills my social battery daily. But I have no friends, no partner. I’m like super alone haha. I have my unhealthy relationships with my family and thats it.

I STILL LIVE AT HOME. CRAZY. But also, no point in learning how to drive bc I physically can’t HA. Funny, if it’s not funny I will crash tf out btw. So careful there!

I can’t walk down the road w/ limping. I work at a takeaway, I’m on my feet for like 8 hours a time. And I walk there and back, and walk my dog, and work at my mother’s shop and have RESPONSIBILITIES. I’m dead honestly. Like, I want to drive, it would be fantastic but I’d have to get an automatic.

But then it’s like, what if I’m having a day where I’m like 2 seconds away from just falling (has happened why my leg just gives out ha) and I’m driving. Cuz acceleration and brake still exists. Plus the pain has got my arms and hands now which isn’t greeeat :D

Anyways imo sleep now :D

Bye have fun love y’all