Seeking Comfort Under The Shadows - Deep thoughts 💛
hello fellow friend,
i'm not sure if you know me, but you may call me bunny if you so wish to. (i know, so interesting right? xD) I've grown kind of bored of chat rooms and my diary thread and although I will continue using them, this is just a fresh page for me to lean on for a while.
this is a corner where i share what goes on in my mind, and what happens in the depths of my thoughts, whether it's about evil, curiosity, intelligence, life, emotions, anything and everything can go in here.
I'll write here whenever I find the energy to do so and whenever I get random depressing thoughts at 1am (there is something magical about the night!)
I hope anyone will enjoy reading, and whilst responses are welcome please keep it on topic and not random irrelevant stuff, for the sake of this thread.
Best wishes,
Bunny
There is comfort in feeling nothing. Total emptiness. It lives and settles in the chest and rests there, slowly draining and filtering every little thing and became quiet weight and slowly I lost the desire to care, to love, or to heal my heart from the wounds that had been inflicted on it. The silence became louder and the empty and hollow space grew. When the world is heavy, and the skies are grey, can you carry the weight of everything on your own? How long will you feel comfort in numbness? in emptiness. I don't want to have to make myself feel something again because maybe that's too much. Or too little to cope with. I force life into my bones, and force happiness upon the heart, because i think that's what people expect of me.
And so I realised, that there is a emptiness and a space when it comes to friendships and people. As i had said before, people grew distant and cold as I got older, but when they are there its so easy to take what's there for granted. So easy to dismiss what's there, and your stuck in the mindset that this reality will stay forever. And suddenly your faced with a gap they've left in your life, once they are gone only then you realise the emptiness of it all. Only then you realise, your just a kid filling in the voids of your life in order to make yourself feel full again.
There is emptiness everywhere I go. And I've made peace with it. I don't know what's best for me, and what's best for the world, and that's okay. I don't know if I should feel too much or too little of everything, but if its emptiness then let it be.
For as long as I can remember, I looked for a family outside my home because it never felt like family at home. It never felt the same. Being shoved around all the time, and not being wanted be anyone and always I don't really know where to call home anymore, i've not even found a definition for home yet. I try to figure out how miserable I have to be to make people happy. I tried really hard. I'm still trying to figure out where to call home or if home is just a creation of a child's mind. It was never easy. But I've still grown up, and I'm still small and broken, but it's still better. It's better than nothing. I'm getting better. I'm getting better. I'm getting better.
it's so strange. did you really heal, or did you just push everything to the side? did you force yourself to forget the past? did you really forgive yourself, or pretend you did? did you clean the wounds? did you give your heart and soul the time to rest? did you sit with the emotions, or did you just run away?
questions i've pondered on for myself for a long time. For a long time, I thought I had healed, but it came back and haunted me for a long time.
