Some stuff I needed to get out my mind to distract mysef

I’m on this app for no known reason honestly maybe I needed to let out the thoughts for a alternative perspective but I’m starting this off to say when your in love make sure it’s love and not you wanting them

back when I was at my old school I dated a 3-4 Beautiful souls an while they were in love I was in love with something else and long story short I left one for another cheated on that one then dated another until she left me and moved away so I was never very good at the love thing yk but after allat I was still hoping to find another special someone and when I did at the end of the school year and I had to move shortly after meeting her so we dated over the phone and while it was good I wanted more…always asking for this and that to see this and that to call always didn’t give her attention allat bs an it got to a point where arguing was always the go to whenever I got home and texted her and well it got to a point we both got done and left eachother…I was heartbroken but mad cuz I was right she always argued and did this caused that blah blah blah but then I texted her to try again and that lead to more arguing and again we separated and well I’m hardheaded so I go again and it ends up just the same but this time when she left it was permanent sent me as of another guy in her dm and well I completely lost it and lost her forever—and while it’s all sad it’s my fault cuz throughout our relationship I wasn’t fighting and arguing for us I was doing it for myself and my pride to be right to the be fixer and well i literally broke everything 😂 months passed it still hurts and i still see her pictures in my head still wonder what the *** could I have done and *** I even prayed for her to come back but I eventually resided on praying for her to be happy find someone better and have more love then we ever had asked God to help her recover and let me suffer and well *** I feel like he is cuz when given moments of silence and being alone you see what you couldn’t and man…all she wanted was a someone to rely on and yet I couldn’t even do that I was so wrapped up in my desires and wants I never seen how she was—don’t get me wrong I wasn’t just A *** pile of a bf I was there an allat made sure she eat had good day allat but I was always distracted with my game and leaving her on delivered also the well the arguing an ***

But anyways I wrote this idk just cuz uh idk I don’t want people make the Mistake I did and say you love someone an only love how they look and how it affects you. May God forgive me for the love I gave out but never made sure was pure