Stupid firefighters made me crash out
I’m watching this stupid show. SO STUPID.
I saw in on tik tok a few months ago, well no. A guy I went on a date with suggested it, then I forgot about it, then I kept seeing it on tik tok.
9-1-1.
I was just expecting a fun show with a cute gay couple.
No. I was lied to. Misguided and now I’m crashing out because of the stupid show. This is unfair.
The cute gay couple aren’t even a gay couple, the show runners are just queer baiting for views. I know this, the entire fandom know this and yet we keep watching.
Oh how I wish I didn’t keep watching.
There’s this one character, Buck. I relate to Buck a lot, I like how the character is written too. Now this actor, Oliver Stark, is very good at emotional, hard scenes.
Just research ‘9-1-1, love me anyway’ and you’ll understand.
Recently, he was kidnapped. His boyfriend not boyfriend saved him and then he got addicted to drugs.
This is not even just sad because of the kidnapping arc or the addict part. His passed away pseudo father was also an addict.
Now after the last episode, I was hoping that it was just prescribed meds as the ep left on a cliffhanger.
Well technically I was right, they were prescribed. By three separate doctors. So this episode was him going through withdrawals. Fantastic acting, phenomenal.
This is not why I am crashing out. I’m crashing out for multiple psychotic reasons.
What the actual fudge. Why are they making my favourite sunshine character go through much??? He’s such a good guy. He deserves to get married to Eddie (his boyfriend not boyfriend) and live a happy life. They took his dad I mean CMON, give him smth good!
No one would be at my bedside like that. His entire team (family) were there for him. It was so sweet and it hit me that I’d be completely alone. Well someone would have to figure it out first and I mean, I managed to self harm for 5 years without anyone noticing so. I’d be good. Isn’t that just depressing? I know I’d be alone.
I went to talk (ramble) to someone about the episode and realised I have absolutely no one to do that with. No one. I have this, which is impersonal and God do I wanna just have a conversation with someone who knows me. I feel really alone because I am and I have no clue what to do with that
If my characters in a dumb stupid tv show can’t be happy how the *** can I be. I know that’s irrational, but it’s not the point.
This is the closest I’ve been to cried since last year. I do plan to just sad cry after this but I’m holding it together so I can finish.
I didn’t expect my life to be this. Because this is my life. Feel numb most the time. Usually doesn’t bother me when I’m all alone, isolated. Doesn’t matter if my life is sh-t because I’m numb to it all.
Then I feel it and God it breaks me every single time.
I just wanna be happy
