TRANS beware

I’ve always had an odd relationship with my queerness.

Catholic school didn’t help, neither did my family.

I realised I was Bi back when I was still a chick. Just started dating a girl and that was that. Simple and easy.

It warranted a bit of bad attention at school but nothing major.

Then when I was 13? I think, I was dating this dude. Very stereotypical dude, man made me have a whole realisation so I broke it off.

Took me a while to find the terms and sh-t but I did.

I’ve always been a little different. Even when I was younger. It showed, especially since I knew a lot of people but wasn’t friends with them just friendly. I spent more time in the library as a kid because guys didn’t want girls playing w them and I never wanted to play with the girls.

But anyways, getting off track. I told my older sister first, cuz my mums an a-hole and I never really trusted her.

My sister locked me in a room with my mum till I told her about a week later.

My mum who completely ignored it till I hit 15 and we got in a major argument over it.

By that point I was already out to my friends, teachers, my entire school basically.

I got a lot of sh-t for that one but I managed. Now I still get kids coming up to me, asking if I’m Alex.

First openly trans kid at that school, and I was argumentative about it too. Got into all types of fights and arguments. I wrote my English Language Speech about the fact that LGBTQ isn’t spoken about in schools enough and isn’t supported well either.

I had kids who’d sit with me and my friends at lunch becuase it was safe. Sometimes they’d ask questions, sometimes they’d just hang out.

I’m 20 now, so this was a while ago.

I don’t regret it. I know I probably should becuase it gave me a lot of issues, still does. But I like to think I helped a lot of kids in that school, I know I helped a lot of people in my year too.

I was an advocate by just being myself and not being ashamed of it.

Doesn’t help the fact that I hate that I’m trans though. Even if it gives me a lot I’m also at a major loss.

I’ll never know what it’s like to grow up the way I wanted to. Forced into dresses and skirts, forced to play with sh-t i never had an interest in, forcing myself to do it anyways even as I got older.

Not being a guy. It takes years for the NHS waiting list, I’ve been on it for 3-4, which is mental. Sure, I’ve socially transitioned, and I look like a dude but my voice outs me every time and it sucks.

Being trans is rewarding but also just a trap. A cage that takes years to escape.

Anyways sorry I watched fanfic and it was just ugh. It’s fine and okay rep but like? Its kinda sh-t