Thoughts

I m afraid of relationships that what if I do something wrong that will hurt the other person or what if they r they right one i m the wrong one...I m scared to be a reason for someone's pain...

Fear of hurting someone...the Reason I can't handle close relationships is this bcz I m scared that I will hurt them...and problem is not this but the problem is even after knowing this is wrong I will still do the sme thing again then regret...ugh why always

I should just try to be better and learn from mistakes right? The mist logical sol

But I never

Even when I tell myself this time I will not do the sme thing again and try to be better but in the end I make the worst decisions and end up ruining everythingThen overthink regret ughhh..does this make sense? Nooo.. i m just losing my mind .. and maybe it's true we become like people. Who we used to hate... never wanted to be like that...but end up being like that

Or fir hum bhi vse bn jaate hai jaise logo se hame nafrat thi

Or sb ulhj jata haiii..kuch smjh ni aata kya kb kaise kyu hua bs ho gya

What do i even want ?

Attention chahiye shyd...but ik everything will end up getting ruined tohhh kuch ni Krna hi shi haiii...mujhe kisi ke close ni aana chahiye..baad mai sb khrb ho hi jana haiii fir vahin sb niii firse niiii... Durr hi rehna shi hai .. akeleeeee.. pr yeh mai bhul kyu jaati hunn baar barrr...koi thori si bhi care dikha deta hai normal sii.. pgl hi ho jaati hunnn....how much I crave for a close connection but end up ruining it...why I m like this ?

Log kehte hai I want to be my old self...butt me ? I have no version I wNt to be.. i was always so bad jealous attention seeker and what not . So what I want to be like ? Idk...I have never fully lived...i don't even know how to be happy anymore.. maybe something is wrong with me only...I m broken.. complicated..bad person

Everything is hurting...my headdd body everything..I want to talk to someone idk whyy but i want too but as usual there is nooo oneeeee.....no oneeee.. I have to get through this aloneeee... And now stop waiting for someone else to comeeee..no one is gonna comeee..be stronggg...I will get through thisss....I will...I always doooo....but is baar bs ho gyi hai yrrr pr pta hai koi ni aaegaaa khud hi krnaa hai tohhh bsss!! Hi jaega sb shiii!! Bhagwan toh hai naaaa... everything will be okayyyy!! Ek baar postive rahe kr bhi dekh leti hunnn!!

Sometimes everything seems so meaningless like what's even the point of life ? Is there any ? Maybe i m justt too broken to feel any happiness that the world holds.... I can't find a way that life seems better.. it just keeps getting bad and bad and the thing that makes me feel better I just don't want to do tagt anymore it makes me feel bad reaalyy bad i just hate myself for doing thatt...why I did that? What the *** I just wanted ? To be finally enough for someone right ? Butt why can't I just accept the fact that I can't be... I m just too broken for thatt .. I just go blank in most situations I never know what to say.. idk anything... I just feel stupid for being like this.. I m just tired..I don't what should I do to get better ? It seems like there is no way and i m just stuck here

I have been anxious all day.. even I was happy it just stayed for a minute and then I started feeling really bad in the mid conversation I was happy and laughing and then suddenly idk what happened I just felt really bad.. ugh whyy this always happens when I m genuinely happy? And thenn all this makes me feel exhausted and drained.. and then it's like I can't think properly my Brain is fogged.. i m just blank..idkk what to do about this..maybe this all is in my mind only then why it feels like this.. and why I can't handle all this..and now if one more thing goes wrong I can't take that.. I m tired.. and ik fir a fact something terrible is gonna happen I don't if it's my anxiety or there is any reality to it..but i justt can't do all this anymore.. I don't want survive each day like it's a task I want to liveee it.. but