Uh my friend G

I have this friend, let’s call him G.

Me and G have known each other for like 7/8 years, friends for about 6 of those. (We didn’t get along at first but I can’t remember Lmaoo)

Anyways we became close friends, we’re not exactly trauma bonded. I have that with another friend. We just are both fed in the head, and back then we had literally no one we could to about it cuz no one got it.

Anyways so yeah, we talk about all, no. Actually thats bs. We talk about a lot of sh-t, not everything. I’m not that kinda open around anyone I’ve even met and he’s no different, sorry G.

So he’s known about my extremely poor mental state, that it’s been going on for frock like over a decade at this point lol.

I kinda crashed out the other day. Kinda, no I lie, I 100% crashed out with straight liquor and a messed up head.

Earlier in the day I was like, ignoring and deflecting any questions about my mental well-being because honestly I’m SICKKKKK of talking about it. Because YEAH 8’m depressed and my life sucks and I’m getting older and older and no matter what I do it never stops or changes or gets better HA.

Anyways so Yeah crashed tf out and ooo oh lemme I can quote it hold up

‘ i honestly think you need to see a therapist and get some antidepressants because youve been stuck in this hole for so long, and i think itll only get worse if you dont get that step up …. Like youve gone through so much dude, its not something you can fix on your own‘

And well. Yeah. In the years that I’ve known the guy I don’t think he’s ever said anything remotely like that to me and I get it. Right, I know I need therapy in an abstract kinda way but I’m also aware that I’m kinda really self aware so I think therapy will be absolutely pointless.

Also it means like getting a therapist which well, easier said than done. Last time I tried I chickened out becuase it made my anxiety so bad that I couldn’t keep down meals.

So yeah. Uh I’ve ran out of steam now lol and I’m just sad.