Um idek sorry i’m a bit of a disaster

OKAY SO, imo preference this by saying I’m diagnosed of NOTHING. I do not claim to be any of these things but I have my suspicions. I have been strongly advised to be tested. Anyways so, I’m a suspected autistic/adhd.

This will maybe make sense as we go along, maybe it won’t. Yes, I’m aware I should get tested, no I won’t be getting tested anytime soon.

WHEN PEOPLE WANNA GO THE MOVIES DO THEY NOT MEAN THAT????

I was doomscrolling okay, tik tok is my vice. I enjoy it, there’s lots of stuff on there, some educational, some not.

I was scrolling through the comments on a video and it went smth like ‘when they say ‘let’s go to the movies’ and actually watch the movie’.

Since when were we not going to watch the movie?? Now I’m thinking of all the people I must’ve disappointed.

I’m kinda a relationship person, as in I’ve been in a fair few. I’ve been on a few casual dates too. Many times I have taken these people to watch a movie and now I’m just shocked. WERE THEY NOT EXPECTING US TO WATCH THE MOVIE?????

See actually, this puts the last guy I went on a date with in perspective. He lasted two dates, I know a world record. Pft. Uh no, he was very touchy on date two (non sexually). I kinda lived for it, but I’m also deeply touched deprived so.

But now that whole situation makes so much more sense Oml help. We watched Jurassic park, who’s doing nasty sh-t while watching movies in a cinema??

Crazy work. I’m shocked, deeply.

So obviously this revolution sent me on memory lane cuz why wouldn’t it.

Now, I’m not super hot. I’m about a solid 6.8 maybe a 7. But there’s stages right??

So for like my first 5 relationships (give or take), they were pre transition, and I’d rate myself a solid 4.6 right??

Then you’ve got like the awkward idk who I am trans phase right. I was like alt emo vibes, I dated a number of people during this period. Solid 5.

Then you’ve got me now, my favourite version who was in a committed relationship for 2 years and casually dated the rest. Imo give myself a 7 f it.

My point is. I’m not super hot. I’m kinda awkward. Bit of an introvert but dudeeee. My track record says different.

I think it’s the confidence right? Always have done, always will believe that. It’s also the fact that I’m kinda charming and way too freaking nice most the time. But bro, even I’m shocked by people.

I’ve been asked out a few times, but usually I do the asking out. Oml there was this one person who I had been friends with for a year or so and mf came up to me on a random day n was like ‘I’m super into u pls date me’. I said sure, obviously. I’m awful at saying no to people and tbh I was impressed that they asked me out. Not a lot of people have the balls to do that.

I treated them like a true gentleman, even p-ssed off their homophobic mother. I gently broke up with them cuz I really wasn’t feeling the vibes. We were friends for yeaaars after.

Oml and then at my job. So there was this girl, about a year or so younger than me. (I was like 18) She wasn’t a regular but I recognised her cuz she’d been in before. Mf comes up to me and was like ‘I used to have a huge crush on you’. BAFFLED. SHOCKED.

LIKE IDEK WHO U ARE WHAT?? And I wanted to ask so many questions because I’m genuinely curious on whyyy. But I was mid shift and busy so I never got the chance to😓

Oml and then there was this dude. Septum, bout my age, maybe a tad older. Defo autistic, and said ‘you have a really nice smile’. Gagged. He left after which is a shame cuz he was actually cute and if I see him again I’m 100% giving him my number.

Then Oml, college. It was like really lgbtq friendly, one of the reasons I went tbh. I took hairdressing which was surprisingly bare of any alt queer people. However, my friend took art right? So loitered around art a bit.

My friend came up to me one day and was like ‘A bunch of the art students are asking about you’. Excuse me? What. Hello. Why? Apparently I had quite the following😭

Like I noticed people staring at me okay but people always stare at me. I look weird but hearing that made me double take after that😭😭

So yeah. I think it’s the confidence?? Like, if I’m comfortable so with friends or at work, I’m a really bright person?? Very sure of myself, and I’m thinking less of what I’m doing.

However, apparently I suck at telling when people are flirting with me. I’m a natural flirt, I don’t notice that I’m doing it. In my eyes, i’m just being nice but others say different. When people flirt with me, I think they’re just being nice?? Then my friend or a family member will be like ‘yk they were flirting with you, right?’

Like um, NO? Were they?? When???????

So basically yeah, I’m confident and an oblivious idiot…