life 2 ?

so many thoughts not enought words i dont know what to say because in the end nobody asked nobody needs to i dont think i am important i am just myself i am not someone lost i am someone who does not know and if i dont know that does not mean the world is over my mentality might not be perfect but when i need to i can stand up i can adapt if it happened before i learn after something happened and that is something that caused it all it was my fault i was the thing wrong everyone else was normal thay got put in the wrong place but still pathetic peaces of waste in my life thay did what they did every day only one thought one time he looked at me empathy like he  was sorry he was pretending maybe he looked wrong or he was pretending to be stupid eny way he was a waste i woud never feel empathy for i sometimes wonder what i am maybe i am crazy maybe i am someone in something but that does not matter like me untill i dont become someone everyone can look up to i am not the one who shoud feel proud i feel something i feel simple emocions some more normall but some not much i still dont know what to call what but why woud that matter nothing matters when something is stronger that it so complicated i coud write books but at the end i might never express my true self because i cant find it maybe i did but i didint accept it and if i did  not then just change one sentance that some might not agree with but i do i already dont want to be how i was i am kind but if i cant accept it then i must be something else i might be wronged angry understanding maybe something else i woud rather type  this that enything else because everything else i did was fake something i cant use to express myself something where i cant be me or who i am trying to be even if it hurts to say it thats all for maybe now because its not everything when i type here i just remember what i shoud not and that is something i look at be confused then understand after some time i will never stop trying to understand even if i dont want to type enymore because it hurts because im shaking i want to break my own rules and be better understand more but if i try someting above me then i might just try to forget i am not ready for another war in my mind