Entry 12 -- A better day mostly (tw: sweary)
Yesterday was tough. Today, I feel a lot better.
I was right that I was in burnout after everything yesterday. So I leaned into it. I unmasked, put on some *** music in my headphones, and went to the laundromat to do my laundry. I got a little work done while I waited, and had a nice simple breakfast too! It would seem that allowing myself to rest helped me to *checks notes* feel better? Weird.
In seriousness, resting is really hard for me. Owning up to my emotional state yesterday and actually resting was such a big step for me! I am really happy with how the day is looking today!
There is something I want to get into writing, though, that has been really uncomfortable for me in the past few months. My Auntie. She has always been a keystone in my life -- I learned a lot from her, and she has always been very important to me. However, over the last 6 months she has become a distinct point of frustration for me.
I have been living with her and her husband for the last year, and my relationship with her has deteriorated. The way she has treated me has gotten worse and worse. As a result, I have pushed her away. It makes me so mad that she is treating me this way. Every time I'm in the same room as her, I'm tense and uneasy. My friend asked me recently how things were going with her and I, and I said "It's an unpleasant situation made tenable by money" (e.g. I am paying rent).
I need to get out of here. I need to get away from her. I'm not sure I see a future relationship between us, but I know that things cannot and will not get better between us until I leave.
Funnily enough, I think my uncle and I are closer than ever since I moved in. He and I have shared so much over this year that I think we understand each other more than I ever would've expected. I look forward to sharing my Lego builds with him...when I have money to purchase Lego lol
Anyhow, I needed to get this out. Thank you if you've read this. Things are getting better, but right now I am still in a low. I know I'll make it out, though 😺
The waiting until I'm out is really *** hard, though
