Entry #2

School sucks, I hate who invented it. I just had a panic attack in the hallway while walking to class cause TW my dumb ex who sexually abused me passed by and I checked him, regretted it because that meant I got touched again. By him. I don't care that it was a small touch, it was still a touch. It freaked me out because I thought I would assert dominance by doing it. It was the worst year of my life, I was 13 when the abuse occurred to me. He used me in ways nobody should go through. I regret ever being with him, I cry about it most nights when it pops in my head, the memories of so much pain and me being naïve. It took going to a mental hospital and taking a lot of thinking for me to realize, omg, I was being used and he wasn't supposed to be touching me. TW we ended up doing the dirty a couple months before the hospital and I regret it so much, I should've kept saying no, not giving up, but I had to give in to peer pressure. I think sometimes that it's my fault that it all happened. If I had just not asked him out, would I still be in this position? I think that a lot really, so maybe It is my fault.. Hmm.. Oh well, it's over anyways. -Xoxo  Oak