Entry 5 -- I'm scared of what happens next (TW: sweary)

I can't believe it's been more than a week since I last journaled...

I'm going to rely on the bullet-point list because I don't have full paragraphs in my head.

• The holidays are on their way, and I don't feel any closer to being with my kids.
• My work isn't giving me enough hours, and I fear that trend is going to continue...
• I feel so damn motivated, and like I have momentum. I need to act on it!

I learned yesterday that the fear of being in poverty is "peniaphobia" -- and good Lord am I feeling that. I am in poverty and I'm scared as ***!

• Scared this will be another false start.
• Scared that being in poverty is my life.
• Scared that I'll never get to be the kind of mom I want to be!

I probably shouldn't focus on the negatives, though.

• I have started writing about some original characters and their stories.
• I am in the perfect place to set up more income streams.
• My credit score isn't absolute dog-doody anymore.
• I found some dope *** sodas at Aldi!

The future is scary -- but I guess I'm not there yet. The past feels entirely sad -- but that's the past, and I know that it hasn't been entirely sad!

Not to be a big ol' block of cheese, but that's why they call it "the present": it's a gift!