Today

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I was working on a tattoo design, and my dad liked the drawing at first — until I told him it was for a tattoo. His whole attitude changed. Later, when we were at the store, he was talking to me and then said “one sec,” so I said “okay.” I started talking to myself a little, and I guess he didn’t realize it was to myself, because he suddenly snapped at me. He said something like, “Fine, I’ll stop what I’m doing so we can go home and make your turkey sandwich,” in this annoyed tone.

On the drive home, he got a call and hung up on them right away, so I could tell he was still mad.

In my neighborhood, there’s a little treehouse I sometimes go to when I need to calm down. I wanted to go there today, but I couldn’t. The dad who once caught me and another person fooling around was there, and I didn’t want to deal with that shame again.

And now I’m realizing I might have a drinking problem. That one night when I drank, I originally wanted to hurt myself, but now it feels like I just want to drink instead. I don’t know what to do with that feeling.