@braindamag3

Journaling will be so healthy and freeing for you! :)

@braindamag3

Hi, Don't feel guilty take care of you. Is there anything that you can do to make life feel a bit better?

Or replace your routine with things before 12 years ago, like what you used to do and any goals you still can pursue?

Right now my goal is to make sure I eat and at least go out once a day.. I hope you take care and do something that can take the focus off that feeling

Spent the last 3 hours installing a hitch on my vehicle, suppose to only take just over an hour (yea right) nothing went right in the beginning then once on had a heck of a time putting things back to the way they were.

At least it occupied my mind enough to forget the things that bring me down.

Just waiting for my wife to get home so we can have a heart to heart talk. She has no filter and can sometimes say hurtful things and not even realize it. But yet she should know better because she also suffers from depression. The only chance we get to talk is when our daughter is not home.

Finally had a good night's sleep, 7h 23m

Don't recall the last time I slept over 7 hours.

Now to get through the day, expected temps to be 40+ with humidity 😞 that means stuck indoors most of the day.

Well I can already start to feel the anxiety creeping up on me. I work in the office 3 days a week and Monday always seems to be a hard day.

One of those days, had a doctor's appointment this afternoon and the results of my left knee X-ray and ultrasound are in.

Mild arthritis, Meniscus Tear and a Bakers Cyst.

So now I need to find a good place for physio.

To top it all off, as my doctor was having another look at my knee, she noticed a growth on the corner of my left eye, something they call Pterygium.

Nothing to be concerned about but needs to be looked at, I've already made an appointment to see my optometrist but not till this Saturday.

It's a heavy heart and teary eye day.
days like today I wish I still had my friend at work, that I could confide in. Someone who would listen to my problems and give non judgmental advice.

I just hope I can rely on my only other friend to listen to my brain dump.

The latter half of my day turned out to be better.

I created a "fake 1 hr meeting" in teams and spent it on the treadmill, the walk with some tunes have me a chance to clear my head.

My wife dragged my a$$ out of the house to one of our neighbours for a celebration dinner. Their daughter graduated high school and we were invited over, justu wife did not tell me till it just about time as she knows my social anxiety would start up. Anyways, dinner was good. I did not mingle much but it helped keep my mind off my other issues.

Did not sleep well, the heat along with my wife turning down the A/C. I think I am coming down with a head cold.
I joined in the Loneliness Chat room this morning, I was beginning to wonder if that is where members go to be alone? 😜 😏
I usually start of by asking "Is there anybody out there?" then stand in the corner waiting for a response. 

Forgot today was Cultural Day at work, they wanted everyone to bring a potluck (food of your culture)
Being Canadian, I was going to bring in some Peameal Bacon and Butter Tarts 🤗

This afternoon I had a ton of mixed feelings.

I went out for lunch and as I was leaving the parking lot, I drove past the friend I walked away from and in one way I was happy that she looked like she was doing good.

For the rest of the afternoon, the emotions just kept coming so I spent the rest of the day in my office, hiding from everyone else.