Queer Barriers

@charmingEagle47 The main one is being misunderstood by both allocishets and exclusionists in the community. I haven't really met any exclusionists yet, thankfully, but a lot of allocishets tend to question my choice of pronouns and just simply don't really understand my identity as a whole. Some people refuse to truly understand and choose to follow their own definitions, usually meaning they're transphobic/homophobic. My parents also didn't understand when I came out. My dad kept insisting that he knew more about this than I did despite me dwarfing his 4-ish hours of research with my 6 months of research and questioning.

@charmingEagle47 (continued from last reply) I also don't understand why people are hating on others or even invalidating them for how they identify. Like why do people think a-spec identities are invalid?? Or xenogenders?? Why all the hate in a community that's supposed to promote diversity?????

The main one is the feeling of being judged, simply by the things others say about queer people.  The second is social media tribalism, I see it in these forums, the ridiculous factions that people create simply to feel secure in their own egos.  It worries me that we have come to this in the internet era, that people feel so insecure that they can’t stand by their own values and need to other people to feel good about themselves.  

But on my first point, I’m straight presenting, so I’ve heard a lot of homophobic stuff from friends and colleagues at work who I would never come out to, although they may have noticed my bi pride wrist band, its a subtle nod.  Things have changed a fair bit in the political rhetoric from our government in the last 8 years, since we had the marriage equality vote, but then, this may be simply because I tend to hang out with Allies instead of those old homophobic workmates.  My workplace even offers Ally training, which I’ve undertaken and I try to advocate for lgbtqi+ rights when I feel safe.  

I’ve always known I was queer/bi.  I’m 50, married with a teen and tween and I’ve only just stopped mostly hating on myself for my sexuality, even though my cis-female spouse has always known and supported me. But even with all this support, I still get self hate thoughts and I’ve never told my extended family. I’ve spent 10+ years learning strategies to have a loving inner voice to respond to those negative voices growing up in a close minded country town and from my own father who I also suspect is probably queer.  I grew up in rural Australia, so being even slightly gay was considered taboo and so I have internalised a lot of that hate.  

When I feel shame of a same sex memory, I remind of the love and the connection, the physical acts are not really that important, it’s how you feel with the person you’re experiencing them with.  With me I just have massive trust issues with people, especially men, because I’ve been betrayed and seen people hurt so many times in relationships with men.  My first experience with guy was quite innocent but I cared for him a good friend and a potential lover, but he did not reciprocate and betrayed me in a number of ways, it was ultimately a communication issue, but I cut ties with him because of it and a few things related to him stealing things from me. So I’ve not pursued men because I’m scared of getting hurt again but I’m also lonely and want to connect with a man intimately.

So yeah, there is a cultural blind spot in much US and Australian society that thinks that men aren’t allowed to have emotions, but strangely, its acceptable for us to show overt aggression.  So, yeah, men disturb me, even though I am one, so I have some real internal conflict there.

I’m keen to hear others experiences and opinions on this.  I feel like we are currently being asked to turn the clock back to some sort of ideal 1950s man that is rock like, without any emotion and only cares about protecting his family even though that’s not necessarily his job, its the communities job as a whole.  We are all responsible for looking after each other in the human family, it’s the golden rule.  The best way to do this is to talk and share how we feel with each other.  Sending my love to all my potential lgbtqi+ friends all over the world, love, forgiveness and charity will save the world from our own egos and fear induced aggression.  

@TaviListens

For me, one of the barriers is how people sometimes only see me through the lens of their curiosity. As a sex worker, I often meet people who want to “test out” or confirm their sexuality with me. On one hand, it feels like I’m just the body they’re using to cross that barrier. On the other hand, I enjoy being that space where they can be free to explore without fear or judgment.

It makes me wonder, do you think it’s possible for someone to both be used in that way and still feel empowered by it?