Dealing with a Partner Still in the Closet
I've been with my gf for almost 3 years now and we moved in together 6 months ago.
Although she barely recently came out to her siblings, she still has yet to tell her parents. They believe we're literally "roommates" and that she sleeps separately in the living room of our one bedroom apartment.
Since she's not out yet and knowing her catholic parents won't take a liking to her lifestyle or accept me into the family, I'm always excluded from all family events and even my gf's bday celebrations.
Am I wrong to feel so sad and almost resentful towards the family for leaving me out her family life? (Btw her nephew is trans and he's accepted by everyone and is allowed to bring his own gfs to family holidays and bqqs etc.)
Sorry for the long message. I've been wanting to get this off my chest forever...
@thegirlinred
Sounds like you have a long and committed relationship with your gf, but that her not being out has been costing you a lot emotionally? But also costing you being a part of things that as a gf are also important to you.
Being relegated to 'roommate' status when your relationship is so much more sounds like it would be painful on many levels and repeatedly. So I wouldn't say your feelings of resentment are wrong, your gf is an important part of your life, and it makes sense that you would want to spend important days with her, like her birthday. Even if you were to remain 'roommate' in their mind, roommates can be close and like part of the family too.
As for the other out and accepted family member, I can see how that may also intensify those resentful feelings you may be experiencing. Maybe even leaves you asking "why" you have to be a secret and miss out on so much?
I hope sharing here has helped you to feel a little lighter and perhaps will allow you to think about how you want to cope with these thoughts and feelings. It's definitely an important topic for many in the community so thank you for bringing it to light.