Losing Individuality to Our LGBTQ+ Identity

[image depicts a series of rainbow coloured cartoon silhouette people]

Oftentimes once we identify as LGBTQ+ it becomes a dominant part of our life, it can influence who we become friends with, how we spend our time, even where we end up living and working. In seeking community, acceptance and safety, we often surround ourselves with other LGBTQ+ people. While these things may seem obvious and make sense, sometimes they can become more extreme. It can be easy to stop seeing the rest of who we are, and get caught up in being LGBTQ+ and all the things that being LGBTQ+ is supposed to mean. Sometimes this means we lose a bit of ourselves in the process.

There are various sources of pressure that can erode our individuality, one of which would be the community itself, where there is often gatekeeping. Gatekeeping happens when someone tries to decide who has access or rights to an identity, and/or disputes the validity of an individual’s lived experiences. It’s when people try to put restrictions on what it means to be a member of the LGBTQ+ community. This can create pressure to live to some definition of a label in order to claim that label, instead of being ourselves.

A second concern can be when we are treated as token representations, and when others in our lives start to see our LGBTQ+ label first, and us second. In this way we often are expected to speak for everyone who shares our label, every mistake we make gets associated with our LGBTQ+ identity. So once again we feel pressure to try to perform to a higher standard of perfect behaviour and be a representative for everyone who shares our label, if not the entire LGBTQ+ community. It’s hard to be yourself when you are trying to represent an entire community.

A third way we sometimes lose our individuality and identity is when coming out costs us many of our relationships with family or friends, these connections play a big part in who we are. So if our LGBTQ+ identity ends or changes those relationships, we may also lose or feel disconnected from those parts of ourselves.

These are only a few of the ways it can be hard to hold onto our individuality. While we may be proud of being LGBTQ+, and it can indeed be a large piece of our overall identity, there can be many pressures that reduce us to only that identity.

With that in mind I have some questions to consider:

1. Do you have any experiences with gatekeeping within the community you would like to share? How did that impact you?

   
   

2. Can you think of any other ways being LGBTQ+ can make it harder to be true to yourself?

   
   

3. What are some other ways you personally identify outside of LGBTQ+ labels?
   
   

[image depicts a paint splatter in rainbow colours]

Sources: https://queerintheworld.com/what-does-gatekeeping-mean/

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