Being Bisexual in a Monogamous Marriage Is Harder Than I Expected

I'm not really sure what I'm looking for here. Maybe advice. Maybe perspective. Maybe just to know I'm not alone.

I'm a married bisexual man in a monogamous marriage. My wife has always known that I'm bisexual. Before we got married, I had a lot of sex with men, and we've had honest conversations about that part of my life.

I love my wife deeply. I chose to marry her because she's the person I wanted to spend my life with. I don't regret that decision.

But the truth is... I miss being with men sometimes.

It's not because my marriage is bad. It's not because I'm secretly looking for permission to cheat. I don't want to betray my vows. My commitment to my wife means everything to me.

What I'm struggling with is grief.

I miss that part of my life. I miss the intimacy, the connection, and the way I felt when I could fully express every part of who I am. Being bisexual didn't disappear when I got married. That part of me is still there, even if I choose not to act on it.

Sometimes I feel guilty for even admitting that.

I know that everyone in a monogamous relationship gives something up. Straight people don't stop finding other women or men attractive. Gay people in committed relationships don't stop noticing other people either. I understand that's part of commitment.

But sometimes I wonder if there's a different kind of grief that comes with being bisexual, knowing that an entire side of your sexuality is something you'll likely never experience again.

I don't want an open marriage. I don't want to leave my wife. I don't want to cheat.

I just miss it.

Has anyone else who's bisexual and happily married struggled with these feelings? If so, how did you learn to make peace with them without feeling like you were denying part of yourself?