Life is falling apart because I think I
My relationship has been less than perfect since it pretty much began but I was raised to stick at it and carry on regardless. I reached breaking point the other day, I have a stressful job in a hospital, which obviously is more stressful at the moment and emotionally exhausting. I decided enough was enough but couldn't break up during lockdown... over the weeks I realised more and more that it wasn't his actions solely that was the problem. It is me, I don't and don't think I ever have felt for him what I am supposed to have felt. I can't even bare the thought of kissing him, it actually repulses me 🙈 how can I have been so blind! How do I break up my family after 14 years?! How do I begin a whole new life and most importantly, am I a lesbian?! What the fuck then? I don't have a understanding family, they're not accepting of anything out of their ordinary. But I know that this isn't who I'm supposed to be 😢
@StrawberryMango6339
It sounds you have to make a tough decision. I honestly don't know what to say to help you feel better since I have never gone through something like this before. I hope everything works out for you though <3
@StrawberryMango6339
It sounds you have to make a tough decision. I honestly don't know what to say to help you feel better since I have never gone through something like this before. I hope everything works out for you though <3
@StrawberryMango6339
Hello! Honestly, I think you should do some research. Look at some LGBT sites, see if you can find some LGBT friends.
As for your marriage and kids, coming out to your husband and kids could totally change things for the better. I'm sure that your kids will see a difference with you being who you truly are.
I know this is hard to hear, but if you are afraid that your family will reject you, there are two sides to that story. The first one is that they do accept you and you have a big happy honest family. The second one is that they don't and then you can remove toxic people out of your life. If your family doesn't accept you as who you are, then they are not the type of people you need in your life. Again, that is probably hard to hear but that is why finding another support system, such as some LGBT forums or LGBT friends you can actually meet up with.
I hope this helps. My advice probably isn't what you wanted to hear, but as an ace lesbian myself, I have had to some of these things and cut people out of my life too and it has only made me stronger and given me a better/happier life.
@StrawberryMango6339
Hello! Honestly, I think you should do some research. Look at some LGBT sites, see if you can find some LGBT friends.
As for your marriage and kids, coming out to your husband and kids could totally change things for the better. I'm sure that your kids will see a difference with you being who you truly are.
I know this is hard to hear, but if you are afraid that your family will reject you, there are two sides to that story. The first one is that they do accept you and you have a big happy honest family. The second one is that they don't and then you can remove toxic people out of your life. If your family doesn't accept you as who you are, then they are not the type of people you need in your life. Again, that is probably hard to hear but that is why finding another support system, such as some LGBT forums or LGBT friends you can actually meet up with.
I hope this helps. My advice probably isn't what you wanted to hear, but as an ace lesbian myself, I have had to some of these things and cut people out of my life too and it has only made me stronger and given me a better/happier life.
Sorry to hear you are in such a difficult situation.
It sounds like there are two problems - considering divorce and coming out - that obviously have to do with each other. Maybe looking at each of those separately will give you some perspective?
If you're not sure if you're gay, it is probably best to explore that in your own time and, if you are gay, to come out when you're ready. You can hardly do that if you're married and if you suspect your family won't be accepting, so maybe look at divorce first.
Should you decide to divorce you're probably going to need a lot of help from family. And if you believe they won't help you if you come out first, then I'd get divorced first.
How much kids suffer from divorce strongly depends on how you get divorced. If you and your husband put the kids first and make a parenting plan, it will be a lot better for them. And having parents who stay together only for the kids can be difficult on them as well.
If you are divorced and maybe have shared custody, you have more space to learn if you're gay. You can build a support system that accepts you and tell who you want to in your own time.
You could tell your husband privately that you're having doubts about your sexual orientation if you trust him to handle it. But you need to look out for yourself first now. You can't be there for your kids if you don't take care of yourself first.
This is what I think I would do but it might not be for you.