Worried about the effects of swinging 'that' way...

Okay, allow me to introduce where I'm coming from first things first.

I'm a 20ish year old guy, obviously "swinging that way". I come from a homophobic family, and thankfully, the fact that I swing the other way is still a secret to them relieves me. At least for now.

As a young adult, I've experienced the "dark world" of LGBT. Having a partner, hooking up/one night stands, hiring male hookers, you name it. I think it may be the daddy complex that I have; I've had tons of sex only with older guys (at that time, I couldn't tell which is love and which is lust. Well, lust took over me mostly). Thank goodness I didn't get any STD throughout the 2 years of me throwing myself at several partners that I had (several breakups as well, obviously), married men on the internet looking for some frisky action, and those old men I hired for some sexy time.

I've been sober for over half a year now (the cause for this would take too long and complicated to tell, sorry). No random hook ups, no hiring old male prostitutes, and my list of partners has been thrown out of the window.

I didn't think being sober for that long would be easy, though. I feel the need to be embraced by an older man. I still feel the urge to look for a partner from time to time. I sometimes have a dream at night, when I'm snoring loudly, in which I meet an older man, and we both fall in love. I still remember exactly what happened in the dream I had 2 days ago: I met an awesome mature man in a dance hall, talked to him a bit, and he asked me for a dance, to which I refused because I'm a complete dork at dancing. He grabbed my hand and pulled me gently, and there we were, two-step dancing while gazing at each other. Then I felt love again, just like when I first fell in love with my first partner.

Of course, I woke up puzzled. Then it hit me: even if I become completely sober, I know I'll fall in love again with a man someday. Sooner or later. Even worse, my family expects me to get married as soon as the time is right. You know, get a girlfriend, get engaged, and finally get married normally, just as my two older siblings did a couple years back.

All these things make me worry. What will I tell my family? What if my family finds out? What do I tell my mother when I live till I'm 30 and she asks me why I'm not getting married yet?

Like, dang. I wish I could tell everyone what happened to me and they'd be fine with the truth. But I know it wouldn't go that way.