just to get it off my chest

i hate being gay. i hate falling in love easily. i hate having a thing for men much older than me. i hate being naive and oversharing things with people when i shouldn't do that. i hate being scared to tell people how i really feel and what's on my mind, so i lie and lie and lie not to hurt anyone or tell them things they want to hear so they don't get mad. i hate not being able to express my emotions and thoughts the right way. i hate not having guts to tell someone to fuk off when i should.

i want to fall asleep and wake up as a swan or a butterfly, or any animal or plant really. if i knew how tough and complicated life can get, i would've been the slowest sperm cell possible.