Bottling it up doesn't fix it

Ever since I was very young I felt that there was something fundamentally wrong with me. I began using drugs and alcohol at a very young age to cover up these feelings. I eventually came out and thought that would be the end of it but I could never stay sober because I was never happy. Never actually happy with myself. I've been sober for 5 months this time and in digging deep and trying to find Who I Really Am I have found that this goes way deeper than just my sexual orientation. I believe it goes all the way to the core of my identity. I haven't talked about this with anyone except my girlfriend who is more than supportive. But I never want to go back to the life I was living. And I feel that I will if I don't start being true to myself