Having identity and sexuality crisis

I haven’t had this issue since trans voices has been speaking out about themselves until now. I didn’t know much about transsexuality and queer’s until I graduated high school. I’m 20 now and still have no clue what’s male female nonbinary xi xem….I didn’t even know the T word was a slur, I thought it was short for trans people and a lot of trans and cis people said it without it being a probem. Until I said it I was attacked so bad I didn’t even know what the *** was going on until my college friends said it was a slur. I feel so disconnected and ignorant. I feel like a child and it makes me insecure I’m uneducated about it.

iv been seeing a lot of people coming out online and how it’s like and it’s entirely making me confused. I know dressing and talking/acting a certain way doesn’t define you, but it’s honestly killing me. I don’t know if I even feel more like a girl nor a boy. I don’t really care about my gender anymore. I don’t want no one to know who I am so I go by basically any gender (he she they etc)

Haha I don’t even correct anyone when they say my name wrong either. I’m having an identity and sexuality crisis and all I care about is my new name which is Alex now so I can hide myself from people who knew me as “transphobic” for my ignorance. Idk…I don’t want to be pictured as someone who wants to be trans because of that one misuse of a slur word but at the same time, I feel like that’s stopping me from being who I want to be and become to feel more comfortable without being shamed online or by my old toxic friends.

idk I’m ranting. I just want to know what you smart people think and tell your opinion and educate me.