I've recently hit a wall and i struggle to move around it

I've kinda hit a wall lately. In life. In general.

It started when I began caring — really caring — about what’s going on around me and around the world. And ever since then, everything’s just felt heavier. Like I'm seeing too much. Thinking too much. And not really sure what to do with any of it.

Somewhere in all of that, I started getting this weird, bitter feeling toward the way society works. Toward all the rules we never really agreed to, especially the ones that quietly push people out just for being different — whether it's their beliefs, their background, how they identify… whatever.

One thing that keeps bouncing around in my head is gender. The whole “man or woman, pick one and stick to it” thing. I’ve never really felt like a man. But I don’t know why. I’ve tried to figure it out, but nothing ever lands.

I know I’ve had body issues for a long time. My frame, the way I look, the way people made fun of me — it stuck. It still sticks. And yet… there’ve been these weird, fleeting moments. Like one time a random *** filter gave me long hair and softer features, and I just stared at it. Because that person? Kinda looked… nice? Like someone I’d find attractive. And then I’m left wondering: was I just seeing someone else entirely? Or was that somehow me?

I don’t know. And not knowing — not being able to name it — is driving me up the wall.

The worst part? I don’t trust myself with my own thoughts. I talk myself out of everything. I second-guess what I feel before I even finish feeling it. It’s exhausting.

So yeah… I’m throwing this out here, hoping maybe someone else has been through this kind of fog. If you’ve ever looked in the mirror and felt like a stranger. Or caught a glimpse of who you could be and didn’t know what to do with it. I’d really like to hear from you.

Maybe it won’t fix anything. But it might help to not feel so alone in it.