faking

i'm a trans guy and i can't stop thinking i'm faking it. it's so hard to trust myself when everyone else doubts me. i keep thinking maybe it's a way of sabotaging myself? like i hate myself so much i am willing to put myself through this? and maybe my dysphoria is just low self esteem. maybe i'm just tricking myself into thinking i hate my body and tricking myself into thinking i like it when people call me he or by the name i chose. maybe it's all just a phase and i'll get over it soon. maybe it's just my depression.. somehow..

idk! i don't want to be wrong about all this. but it would be so much easier if i was..