i need help

I need to share this because I’ve been holding it in for too long.

I’m a girl, and I know I’m bisexual. I’ve never really admitted it before—not out loud, not even to myself in a clear way. Most of my past relationships have been with guys, but I know this isn’t curiosity or confusion. This is who I am.

And now, there’s this girl. It’s not the first time I’ve liked a girl, but this time feels so much stronger. Maybe because I see her almost every day—so close, yet somehow so far away.

I first noticed her when she was sitting outside my classroom, talking with a teacher after some problem with her girlfriend back then. That’s when I learned her name. At the time I didn’t think much of it, but now… now I can’t stop noticing her.

Maybe it’s her walk, the way she puts her hands in her pockets, her wavy hair framing her face, or her smile. You, you, you.

I started noticing her during breaks. Before, I wouldn’t have seen her at all, but now I find myself choosing paths where I might bump into her, just to feel her presence, hoping she’ll notice me. I want her to know that I see her.

For a whole week I couldn’t stop thinking about her. I imagined becoming her friend, maybe even asking her out someday. I watched her sitting on the grass with her friends at the sports complex, while others played soccer, basketball, or volleyball. I’d walk past her over and over, holding onto the hope of meeting her gaze. And sometimes I thought we did—but maybe it was only in my head.

The truth is, she knows me, but it feels like I don’t exist to her, like she just isn’t interested. And here I am, finally admitting this about myself, and writing it all out because I need to let it out somewhere.