Change Panic

Hi, I’m a guy who just turned adult and ever since I remember I was unable to feel love and never had a sex drive. Hence, I used to identify myself as an aroace man.

However, about a month ago, I met this guy, let’s call him puppy. So, puppy was a friend of my friend who coincidentally got admitted in the same institute I am. Now, puppy was known to be “homiesexual” with his guy friends (which is fine). But, I don’t know why he would give me very explicit cues about liking me (probably my delulu) like playing with my hair, putting his head over my lap, rubbing my cheeks and arms, etc. Heck, once he tried to kiss me when I was asleep (again maybe my delulu because our breaths locked at that moment he was quite close to my face and the lights were switched off).

Puppy likes to invite me over to his house. It’s not that I am special, it’s just that i am more willing than the others. We had like 2 sleepovers in the last 2 weeks. It was always the same, we would watch a movie, hangout and then just sleep. But there was this one time where he gave obvious hints that he wanted to cuddle (yes this may also be my delulu). Me wanting to preserve my aroace identity rejected all of them.

I don’t know when or how, but i suddenly just caught feelings for him. Actually, I’m not even sure if it’s a crush or just infatuation. But whatever it was, it was new.

Currently, puppy is giving me mixed signals and I am caught up with mixed feelings about him.

TL;DR I was aroace, until a guy came into my life. I may have a crush on him. It feels forbidden(?). I want to not feel this new feeling called love and go back to being aroace.