Trapped
I am Adam, in my mid 30s, married, with a kid. I have a nice house and a good job. So, to everyone outside, I have a good, even idylic life. But inside, I am bursting. And that is because I know, and I have known for quite some time that I am gay. I just was never brave enough to admit this even to myself, let alone to others. So I ended up in situation where I have family which depends on me, and which I love, but which leaves a big part of me unfulfilled and empty. In the evenings, in private times, I dream of some other life, but have to perservere with the one I am into now.
@lavenderFig6865 Hi! I cannot imagine what you are going through, though I know many are going through the same thing or similar as you. I've never been married, but I often feel I have no one to talk to about my own feelings and being gay. You have a support system here of people willing to listen!
@pioneeringFig3845 Thank you very much for supportive message :) I'd be happy to chat with you, if such thing is possible on this site.
@lavenderFig6865 I don't think they allow private chats, but we can always post on the forums here. Even though it's not one-to-one, I feel so much more comfortable expressing myself here than in real life, so maybe it will be the same for you?
@pioneeringFig3845 Oh, I very much do, especially beause of my family situation. So places like these feel like pieces of freedom really, where you are not judged for what you really are. Already feels quite pleasant, even though I signed up just a few days ago. And for you?
@lavenderFig6865 I agree. While I would also to have connections with individual, there is something about the anonymous nature that makes me feel more comfortable. I signed up a few months back but haven't been on much. I'm trying to be on more!
@lavenderFig6865
look adam im not gonna sugar code this
this is a quagmire you are in
you want to be yourself but there are too many relaying on you
i think a good solution is to put a line in the sand somewhere
i will be pro lgbt outwardly and even attend rallies/parades but nothing more
or i will be ok with being pro-LGBT, attending rallies, and dressing in a certain way sometimes but tell no one
whatever your line is draw it and ease into the change
you can not go full gay ,not like this you will be hurting too many ,so a level of closeted gay and outward support is the game you have to play till you find your comfort zone
because you saying this means you dont want to just abandon your family and go, deep inside you care for them
So continue to care for them and be the dad and husband they want and need
but also add more of yourself to them and their lives while keeping the hurtful parts a secret
i dont know enough to say anything more