Why does she act differently towards me in front of her friends
Okay so I am F 26 and my girlfriend is F 26. We have known each other almost a year and been official a month so still kinda new. I love her so much and feel like the time we spend together is so special and fun and easy. She tells me she feels the same.
However I’ve noticed that I sometimes feel discarded when her friends are around. For example, this weekend we were going on two nights out in a row: one night with my friends only and then the second night with her friends and some of mine.
The first night (my friends only) was perfect. We were dancing and hugging and affectionate and just so in love. I was so happy to show her off to my friends, never left her sight and was so conscious of her having a good time.
The second night (her friends and a few of mine) there was almost 0 affection. Minimal hugging or in the club. Minimal conversation, happy enough to leave me to go get a drink with her friends, go to the smoking area separately etc.
When the club ended my friends went home and my gf invited her friends back to her apartment. On the way to the apartment she walked ahead with her friends chatting and I just kind of hung back and followed after them awkwardly. When we got to the apartment we all sat around chatting but again no affection, sitting beside each other or even showing signs of being in a relationship.
I am very confused as this is not the first time I’ve felt tossed to the side whenever I’m in the midst of her friends. I’m all for us having separate lives, friends and what not but it sometimes feels like her image is more important than my feelings and it makes me doubt the things she tells me
Thoughts?
@dapperTiger48
I’ve experienced that feeling many times with my wife. It’s because her friends are mostly from work.
She’s a lawyer and I’m a nurse, so there are significant differences in our life experiences, so when I’m with her friends, she does 99% of the talking. When it’s my work friends, she’s more quiet, but it’s more balanced. Part of it is because she’s naturally more outgoing. In any gathering, I tend to be the quietest one.
Anyway, is there more experience in common between her and her friends? That might explain it.
Is it more rare for her to spend time with her friends, so maybe she feels that she needs to make up for lost time when they’re together?
Is your comfort level with your friends such that you’re naturally more outgoing in a way that you aren’t with her friends?
Is your relationship communication such that you can tell her, not how she made you feel, but how you felt when you were left out of the conversation, or less than the usual amount of affection was expressed?
If the relationship works well while the two of you are alone together, might it be of benefit to ask her why it changes depending which other people are around.
As you said, it’s still early days. The two of you have a lot to talk about and learn about each other. I do get your confusion. I’d be confused too. Early days are the perfect time in which to address the confusion.
