poly/non binary - went to friend for advice and it went south
topics mentioned: breakups, polyamoury, rejection (everyone in this situation is nonbinary and poly)
Hi. I am poly/pan and in my last relationship, I was in the middle of trying to figure out how I felt about a close friend. About a month ago my partner broke up with me (we are still friends) and since it was both my first relationship and it lasted over 1 1/2 years it messed me up really badly. The close friend in question (friend A) understood I needed time to sort myself out and heal, and last night I realized I like them. I was worried I was just rebounding so I went to our other close friend (friend B) and asked for advice. Instead of advice they almost instantly confessed they liked both me and friend A for a long time. They were trying to be really open and mature but also saying things like "I'll never make you guys uncomfortable again" despite me insisting they never have along with canceling plans and a big project they were super excited about literally the day before. I know it's not exactly my fault but I don't know what to do or how to fix this and I feel terrible. I'm so incredibly guilty and I had no idea they felt this way. I don't really have any other friends right now and I'm worried I've ruined everything. Any and all advice would be appreciated.
tldr: i went to a friend in a gay panic and they told me they liked me and my love interest and i don't know what to do
@afriendlytrex
no need to do anything. you didn’t do anything wrong. you can still try to confess to liking friends A if you want to
@afriendlytrex
While I can't offer much in the way of advice, I can offer the following question that might help:
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First, if friend B hadn't responded in the way they did, what would you want to do?
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Given how friend B responded what you feel like you "should" do?
Are you worried about upsetting others? Hurt feelings?
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Maybe you are concerned about possibly losing opportunities?
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Considering the above answers, I would ask if you can separate out the following:
What you need to do?
What you want to do?
What you feel pressured to do?
I hope that whatever happens you find the path forward that is best for you, relationships and friendships can be difficult as there are other’s feelings involved as well as our own but it’s still important to figure out what is right for ourselves.