Dating Advice
Hey! So, For nearly a decade, I was a youth group leader. I’m still closely connected with the crew I led; they are like my children and they see me almost as a second father. After being a youth leader, I became an atheist and years later recognized and accepted that I’m bisexual. I’m in college, and I’ve recently wanted to date and/or join a dating app. First, I’m looking for someone who shares my values, so I really want someone who is also an atheist. Second, I’m open to dating women, men, and some non-binary genders, as long as it’s someone I’m attracted to physically and emotionally and where we both make each other happy. That said, I’m worried that, since the crew I mentioned earlier are still religious and look up to me so much, I’m worried that if they find out that I’m and atheist and bisexual, that it will crush them, and I don’t want to do anything g that would hurt them. I’m conflicted, because I want to find someone that makes me happy, it I do to want to hurt them. Any advice?
Hay. Lemur. I have a question
Sure, what’s your question?
you have to put your happiness first
@FriendlyLemur1579
I can relate, as I have a few beliefs, values, and opinions that set me apart from the mainstream GLBTQ+ community. I am interested in only a few specific demographic groups within my preferred gender expression, but like you, I would find it hard to be involved with anyone who doesn't share my interests. I would rather be alone than be with someone and feel miserable. Having said that, you express concern about crushing these people you used to associate with. I think it's natural to want to be liked and to want to avoid causing pain or disappointment to others. But in my view, life is full of disappointments, as well as joys. We often grow through them. Who knows but that one or another of these young people is secretly struggling with spiritual beliefs and with sexuality/sexual identity, also, and you may well turn out to be a supportive mentor for them, in some way. You could use your resilience and strength as a role model for someone. We never know how we will end up affecting others in our life's journey.
@FriendlyLemur1579 Most dating apps will allow you to have a bio to describe your interests and what you are looking for. Most dating apps are fairly private, so I think it's unlikely someone from your group would know about it unless they were on there too lol! If you want to come out to your youth group, definitely do so if/when you feel ready and you could try just telling one or a few people you are closest to the group first. If they are positive and supportive people, they will understand that you grew up and figured things out for yourself. Good luck!
@FriendlyLemur1579 I think you should listen to your heart and do what makes you happy. As you are an atheist, i guess you don't believe that we have another life ahead? Why would you spend this one being unhappy and pretend to be someone you are not. About apps: I wouldn't waste my time for tinder or other apps like that, cause there are special websites for poly dating - www.bestpolydating.com/. You can try few different sites and see which one you like more. My best friend is a lesbian and she said on "flirt" she usually finds the best matches.
I have always believed that the most important thing is to say all the most important points before a serious relationship begins. Chat is the perfect place to do this. Especially since there are themed resources for online meetings now, such as Quickflirt. Use logic at the very beginning and do not let those who really do not suit you into your life. Maybe you will not have a huge choice among all the participants but the one who remains has every chance to be a reliable partner for you.
