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I am confused, and feel like a fraud

User Profile: blueCar3269
blueCar3269 October 4th, 2021

I am 17 and am out to a few people as a lesbian, the problem is that I have never been with a woman. I think that I am attracted to them but I don't know if it is in a plantonic way, and if the butterfies are just anxiety.


I have been with men before but as soon as they started liking me back and saying that they loved me I broke it off. When I have been in non-romantic relationships with men I was never sure if I enjoyed it. They enjoyed it and said that I did too. I ended it by saying that I was a lesbian, which I feel guilty for because I don't know if I really am.


So I don't really know, it makes me feel really stressed not knowing this part about me. I thought I might be aromantic, but I don't want to be... I want to be able to love.

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User Profile: funnyDog8378
funnyDog8378 October 5th, 2021

@blueCar3269 fellow lesbian here !!! i relate completely to your feelings towards men and self doubt toward being a lesbian. i've never been with a woman either and that doesn't make you or i any less of a lesbian. society is built in a very heteronormative way and it's safe to say that almost all lesbians doubt their sexuality at some point due to the fact that society tries to tell us that we're not. if you think you're a lesbian and the label feels good, then congrats you are a lesbian :)

also i'm not aro so if i'm incorrect someone please feel free to correct me but you say you "want to be able to love" i'm assuming you mean you want to be able to have a romantic relationship at some point, which i believe would mean you're not aromantic, but of course you know yourself best !!

User Profile: liquidfuse
liquidfuse October 5th, 2021

@blueCar3269 - Maybe you are biromantic but sexually who knows until you know. It took me many years to truly acknowledge who i am being a cys born male who is a bi sissy queer and proud.


You are not a fraud, you have so much of your life left to discover who you are. Never believe you are a fraud, life is hard don’t make it any harder on yourself.


thanks for sharing your story!


🏳️‍🌈😊❤️🧡💛💚💙💜🖤🤍🤎

User Profile: Ruby2468
Ruby2468 October 7th, 2021

@blueCar3269 I'm bi and have never been in a relationship with a woman. you don't have to be in a relationship with a woman to be lesbian or bi or anything. If your attracted to women that's awesome! You keep doing you:)

User Profile: LonleyCheese
LonleyCheese October 13th, 2021

@blueCar3269

Love isn't always romantic! you might be lesbian, what i'd do is try the label for a while and if it desn't work, oh well! Besides, aro people can do qpr too, and if you love someone, you probably have a different way of loving people :) Love isn't always romantic!