I feel that I am Bi, Yet Im disgusted with myself.
Hi,
I am Apurva. As my name suggests, I am a boy from India. My family is one of the most conservative.
Since my last 17 birthday, I've started feeling attracted to my friend despite having a crush on a girl at the same time. And Idk why but I'm kind of disgusted with myself. I've considered myself to be straight since the beginning. But my orientation wasn't the highest priority even after entering my teenage. Also, I didn't have a lot of friends. My last close friend was from 6th grade. You can say I lacked the experience of friendship in my teenage.
I feel that something is wrong with me. maybe I'm feeling this because of FOMO of pride month. Although I have more important things to do in life than identifying my orientation, this has started bothering me in a few weeks.
How can I confirm that I am Bi?
Should I come out to friends first or Parents? Does coming out matter? And what will be the image of mine in my classmates' perspective? I feel that the recent crackdown on LGBT groups by the Indian government has downed the image of the LGBT community. and most of the students seem to be against this because of the government,
Also, Coming out to parents matters? I will emigrate to Germany in the next 2 years. I think that if I keep this a secret for a while and I emigrate out of India, My parents would have no say in the matter,
@ApurvaSingh123
Only you can know who you are. Start asking questions to yourself, search the internet for stories that resemble your own, listen to other people's experience. If you can identify in that label, then you can use it to describe yourself.
It is not necessary to come out with anyone. You can do it on your own time, and only to the people who matter to you. And most importantly, only when you feel it's safe to do so.
I started questioning a few years ago, and since I realized I am not straight, I haven't told anyone (at least, not anyone that I know in person). My own family doesn't know, and since they are pretty conservative, I'm not sure if there will be a moment when it's safe to come out to them. Every now and then I hint at the fact that it's highly unlikely I'll ever get married and have a family of my own, but that's all I can do for now.
I'm sorry you live in such a conservative and narrow-minded environment. I hope you'll manage to feel at ease with yourself and your sexuality and that you'll be finally free to be who you are.