I need advice on how to move forward

evil and wicked because of not being straight. I’ve had to give public talks in the congregation against what I am without showing cracks. That really really hurt me inside. But I’ve recently learned that I am not wicked and evil. When my cousin was dealing with a mental health breakdown I dropped everything and hopped on the next plain to go be with him in person for a month and risked my job to do it. A person who cares so much about another can’t possibly be deemed evil or wicked. That really made me view things differently. But now, I have this self clarity but am still stuck in the religion with no way out sort of loading everything I have. It seems really unwise to throw away my entire financial security for sexual freedom. We are highly discouraged from going to college, we don’t make friends outside of our religion, and even working full time is viewed as a distraction from spiritual things. This leaves us without any resources that would enable us to get a job that pays a livable wage, which in turn forces us to be dependent on the religion for survival.