Really Struggling w/ My Sexuality
Hi all, I’m really struggling and am reaching out for some support. I am a young male who just graduated from college. I have been dating my girlfriend on and off for about a year. This past year, I have really been struggling with my sexuality. I started speaking to a therapist about it but honestly don’t think it was super helpful. I’ll try and make this as concise as possible. Basically, every time I see an attractive man I start to feel really uncomfortable and then feel the need to check him out to see if I am attracted to him. This has become somewhat of a habit and drives me crazy because then I have thousands of thoughts that taunt me and say things like, “You’re checking him out, you must be gay.” It makes the most everyday experiences like going to the gym or going to work so difficult to enjoy because it feels like I am constantly at war with myself. I’m checking in to see if I’m gay or bisexual. The truth is, deep down I believe that I am not attracted to men and don’t want to be. Throughout all of my childhood I have been very attracted to and dated women. But for some reason, I have really been struggling with this on a daily basis. I have spoken to my girlfriend about it once before-thankfully she is very supportive towards the LGBTQ+ community and reassured me that if I was attracted to men it was okay. She reassured me that I was allowed to be bisexual in a heterosexual relationship and that if I needed space to figure this out that it was okay. Her and my therapist are the only people I have spoken to about this. I haven’t told any of my family members because I figured it would just be a challenge that I work through only to realize-yes, I am indeed a straight male. But this has been going on for months and it has really taken a hit on my mental health, work, relationships, and self confidence. I have nothing against the LGBTQ+ community but as you will probably notice from this post, I am very scared because I feel that if I was attracted to men it would really impact my entire life and identity. Any comments, support, stories, and advice is greatly appreciated.
We have the same situation.. I don't know if this would help but someone told me that I should try experimenting with my feelings toward the same gender to know if Im really attracted to them
@BreathLove Oh, somewhat of a tale of woe related to this. I'm in my 60's, I'm not saying our feelings are equivalent, but I've spent a lot of time in this kind of disconnected shame, on the surface, not even connected to my sexuality, but deep down, probably / definitely so. I've been married to my wife for over 30 years. I love her, I'm deeply attracted to her, but in my past, I'd had relationships with men, crushes on men. I'd brushed them off as experimentation or me being an ally to the gay community or me just liking having gay friends and it being fun occasionally to sleep with them. After I started going out with my wife, frankly, being with her was more than enough sexually and I lost interest in men. But lately, well, this thing happened where this so handsome man kind of hit on me and I found myself liking it (a lot) and although I didn't do anything about it, I sure thought about it. I taked to my therapist, told him my fantasies and well, duh, I'm Bi, no s&%# sherlock.
Not saying you are, but I think that this is a great time to experiment with those feelings. Does your heart flutter, do your knees kinda go weak when you see a cute guy? Do you think about how nice it would be to "do stuff" with him? Would your girlfriend be OK with you doing something casual with a guy (or two or three) to see how it makes you feel? The best indicator for me, silly as it might seem, was seeing this t-shirt that said, "Both? Both. Both is better" and thinking, "I want people to see me in that t-shirt". Sort of the yearning of the soul for what it wants, which in my case was to be like myself as a Bi guy and maybe even be a little proud that I am.
In any case, good luck and <3
Welcome to 7 cups. I just want to say I read your thread and all I can say is be proud who you are and be proud of what you are. People who judge you are not minded people.
@BreathLove
hi i just want to say be proud of who you are and shout it out loud dont let it fester
@BreathLove im always here to listen
I’m feeling the same way, the only difference is that I’m a woman. All that you have mentioned have been me for the past few months. It has indeed taking a toll to my mental health sometimes. I worry a lot of other unnecessary things. An action I did lately, is to try to experiment and take action of what is this all about. That I have to figure it out. I am scared, just like you are. But up until when are we gonna be scared? We have to try to know, or else we will never get the answer we need. Big Hugs for you.
