i have a crush(s)

Trigger warning: self harm

ok so last year i came out as bisexual, poly, and demi. ok so i like this guy and i also like this girl but i dont know who to pick they both know each other and both know i like them so its really hard to pick the guy is so sweet and he is always trying to steel my heart, and the girl really made me fall but they dont know my sexuality (i also go by xe/xem) and i really like them both they guy is really sweet and i think he wouldnt mind, but the girl idk how she would react so yeah but lets start from the begging

i was asigned female at birth. i grew up a tomboy, my mom is homophobic so she hated when i would get dirty, my cousin is gay so she thought it was contagious to be gay, i would always steel my brothers clothes and make mud pies. but my mom never let me, she wants me to be her perfect little baby girl. i have an arranged marriage to a straight boy, but he is my best friend since birth and he is bi but my mom doesnt know.

when i started secondary school i came out at school. but not to my mom didnt know i came out, around the middle of my 7th year it was parent conferences and i had to attend and mom found out after and she went balistic about me being gay or bi

my only escape became *** for me, what was i to do then i started self harm  and started vaping. it was addicting that i even skipped class and it felt good