Identifying myself, i ruined my best friend

When I wasnt sure if i was bisexual or a lesbian I thought i should experiment with a boy. I regret doing this but i got in a relationship with my best friend. He knew that me coming out as lesbian was a possibility and he willingy said yes. During dating i convince myself that i love him n that im bi. After 4 months I realised i feel more just having a crush on a girl than anything with him. And that me being in love was just my mind subconsciously forcing me towards boys because my mom didnt accept me for liking girls. I breakup and he shattered. He had already been going through lots n lots n i was helping. But this breakup changed our friendship and he couldnt depend on me for help or hell never move on. He gets suicidal. I dont know how to help him. And i cant help but blame myself for ruining his mental health and our friendship. I still love him the most but not in the way he does.