@considerateNest7690
Hey Cyra, Im so sorry to hear about all that youre going through at the moment, it sounds like a really difficult and scary situation, one which you may not be safe in… 
Youve mentioned that youre trying to move in with your mum, is it something youre discussing with her at the moment? How is that option looking? It sounds like a really good plan, especially considering how accepting shes been with everything youve struggled with in the past, but I can imagine you must also feel very conflicted about all of this; wanting to be accepted as yourself, knowing you may not be safe if your dad finds out, but also loving him despite everything and not wanting to lose that relationship… Although your ability to be your authentic self is so important, right now Im most concerned about your safety - safety does always need to come first and that freedom to be yourself will follow in time. I dont want to make any assumptions, so Im wondering if you would feel comfortable sharing what you think he would do if he were to find out that youre gay, or that you wish to move in with your mum? Is your mum aware of the concerns you have around all of this too?
Its clear that you care a lot about your dad, and the relationship you have with him. Its really saddening to see that despite this love you have for him, it appears that he is still the source of a lot of fear and hurt, and you really dont deserve to be subjected to any of that. I know it can be confusing when someone in your family, someone whos always been there as enormous part of your life and who naturally you care a lot about despite everything, is also the source of such suffering. In these sorts of circumstances it can be so so hard to accept or come to terms with the idea that maybe you would be better off without this individual having such a big role in your life, that you may be able to lead a more positive life away from them. I dont know if thats something youve talked about before, but I know it can be very overwhelming to process initially - just remember that youve done nothing wrong, you dont deserve to be subjected to this hurt and fear, and no matter what happens, there are services which will be able to support you if you need. I dont know where abouts in the world youre from, but if youre comfortable sharing your country Im happy to look around for some potential support for you if you feel that might be helpful 
Its true, you shouldnt be stuck in that position, and leaving is possible - but it takes a lot of courage and often means reaching out for support. I can see that you do have courage in you, and youve made a first step in reaching out by sharing your story here, so I have absolute belief that you will be able to get out of this situation given the right support. I know it feels hopeless and so scary right now, but you will get through this and there will always be people, both here on 7cups and in organisations which provide more practical support, who are ready and wanting to help support you through to a safe, happy and authentic life
